Top 10 Reasons that you are still a SINGLE GAY MAN

By David Clark (Dr)

1. Your Standards are too high

This is the main killer of all potential relationships and even basic platonic friendships of many Gay men. You only need to briefly scour the many profiles on Gay dating sites to discover the laundry list of requirements Gay men place on one another. The most disturbing part about this is that MOST times the men are demanding prerequisites in others that they themselves do not even meet. Guys seem to all want this perfect fantasy "Superman" that they've created in their minds to "save" them that more likely than doesn't even exist. No one is perfect, not even yourself.

2. You are looking in all the Wrong Places
 
Many gay men will agree: Chat lines are for Hookups. Dating sites are for Hookups. Clubs are for Hookups. The large percentage of men you meet through the aforementioned methods will most likely just be looking for quick no-strings-attached sex. That's not to say that hookup sex never leads to relationships, but the chances for it are low

3. You are not as attractive as you think you are

Look into the mirror and honestly ask yourself if you are worth the effort. You say Yes Now look at your cell phone...is it ringing off the hook with potential dates? No? You have your REAL answer...All jokes aside; no one is attractive to ALL men. We all have different tastes and preferences and something as simple as a poorly chosen tattoo around a belly button can soften even the hardest penis of a masculine Gay/Bisexual man. Focus on depending on more than your appearance and you'll find that more quality men will emerge.

4. You are way too Young / Old

No one likes fruit and vegetables that aren't ripe yet. No one likes undercooked food. Many Gay men see anyone 25 and younger as disasters waiting to happen, with good reason. At that age they are like horny puppies humping the first legs they see. It eventually passes with time, but not before they're potentially all used up. Alternatively, "Desirable Gay" seems to have an expiration date. After 27 years old, you're like an old loaf of bread: your edges start to harden until you are 40 and you're ready to just be thrown into the trash. This is how many Gays view older men. I say all this to say, there is an ageist attitude amongst Gay/Bisexual men that goes both ways (pun intended). This reason has no solution. It all comes down to what your intentions are for the potential relationship and how thick your skin is for potential rejection.

5. You Don’t make enough Money

Gay men need to be wined and dined. Watching movies on your laptop at your apartment with your two or three roommates because you do not have money and/or a car is not what a Gay man considers a great date. Once again, I'm exaggerating but not by much...we're speaking about a culture of men who place looks and material possessions over personality and intelligence. This is partly understandable as many men want to at least date someone that can pay their bills and be able to afford a trip out of town occasionally. The only advice here is to "get your financial weight up." If not only to widen your dating options but to also better yourself and your situation in the process.

6. You are not looking

This one boggles my mind. So many men who WANT relationships have told me that they're not looking. The old adage, "you'll find a match once you stop looking for one" is holding you back. Nothing ever gets sold if you don't advertise that it is for sale. You have to be proactive in your search much like you would in looking for employment. No one ever says, "you'll find a job once you stop looking for one." On the flip side to this, some men you meet will say "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" but what they really mean is, "I'm not looking for a relationship WITH YOU." Accept this and move on to someone who actually has the same goal in mind as you.

7. You are Either Too Feminine or Too Masculine

This one is tricky. Gay men come in all sizes with many different tastes. There are masculine men who LOVE feminine guys. There are masculine guys who ONLY like other masculine men. There are even masculine men who like a mixture of the two, preferably when making noises in bed. As a naturally masculine man, I've been rejected countless times because I was too masculine. It can be intimidating to some men. You can't control the tastes of other individuals so there is no solution to be offered here except to just keep searching for a proper match.

8. You are not In To Commitment

I've met quite a few of these. These clingy relationship types often expect monogamy after your first date. They can be seen sending you "Good Morning" text messages DAILY the night after meeting you for the first time. They start planning for your future together before you even learn each others last names. Look, there's nothing wrong with getting excited once you've FINALLY found a man that meets your laundry list of standards and requirements, but there's no faster way to run him off than to let him know you've already started picking out the drapes for your new home together after only a few dates.

9. Your sexual role is Too Incompatible

There's nothing worse than being a Top and finally meeting the perfect guy only to find out that he's ALSO a Top. Same applies to Total Bottoms meeting other Total Bottoms. Then there are Fully Versatile guys who find it boring to date Non-Versatile men. Then there are the Oral Only men and the Fetish men and the list goes on...Some will say that sexual position doesn't matter. Speaking from experience, it does. A man in a relationship that is unsatisfied sexually often starts to stray after awhile. Again, you can't control the sexual tastes of other individuals so there is not much of a solution to be offered here except to just keep searching for a proper match.

10. You Just have Really Bad Timing

This is the main reason that has kept me single for as long as I can remember. I seem to have a knack for meeting great men at the wrong time. From meeting him while I'm dating another guy, meeting him when I'm single but he's in a relationship, meeting him when he's just getting out of a relationship and he still hasn't severed his feelings for his Ex, meeting him just as he's cutting off all dating to focus on work/school, to meeting the perfect guy RIGHT BEFORE he's about to move to the other side of the country...My timing sucks. What I've learned to do is to just lower my expectations. I've tried to meet as many guys as possible (discreetly) and develop quality friendships at the least so that my network can be widened, thus creating more opportunities to meet quality guys in the future.




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Dr. David Clark  is an openly gay psychologist and Counselor at the University of California, LA. He has pointed out the above 10 top reasons why you are single as a gay man. This rationale is compiled from his personal life experience and what he had observed from the gay community and people he counseled.I can certify him as one of the most profound counselor for the Zega community.