Headlines – Part 1 of 2

“Why live as someone’s hidden secret when I can be making it in someone else’s major headlines?” – Unknown

Prologue
♪♪ You know what to do with as big fat butt, wiggle wiggle….wiggle ♪♪ And Boy didn’t I wiggle! His ass accidentally brushes against mine. He hastily apologizes and resumes his jig, the skimpily dressed girl’s ass with a dangling weave that could use some upgrade still gyrating endlessly against his groin. The deejay’s playlist soon shifts to some mind-numbing Techno music and that is my cue to leave the dance floor and go take a seat on one of the previously vacated cushion seats in the middle of a badly lit area of the club’s lounge. 

In blue jeans, a purple T-shirt and brown Timberland boots whose laces are loosely tied and a red sweater that he had on when we were heading to the dance floor but is now perched on his right shoulder, Tom soon joins me all sweaty and fanning his face with his large hands. The scarcely dressed lass whose lilac thong was visible from her taut jean shorts has now moved to a soaring and well built biracial lad who I’d spotted smoking shisha earlier with a group of Caucasian folk who are equally sprawled on the dance floor either jumping, shaking or just plainly dancing moving. She’s either negotiating a dance or a fuck. I don’t know but she be damned if she doesn’t accept the latter if offered.

He is a bastard born to a woman (who then owned a vegetable kiosk in Makongeni) and a man whom he had never met but had recently heard that he is nowadays a clamping supervisor at City Hall and had sowed similar seeds of bastards on other women. This had informed his resolve not to reach out to him as he’d initially planned. At least that is his story so far – in my version. This was our first date and by –my– dating standards he was doing so well though at some point he had asked whether I had any condoms on me but I’d made it clear that I don’t have penetrative sex with anyone. He smiled somewhat pleased. The last time I ever pulled this card on someone, I got feedback that I guard my boy hole you’d think I have gold in the river between my butt cheeks. 

We had had dinner earlier in a restaurant where the waiter hovered around to ensure we never lacked anything (maybe it’s because we were the only ones present); we had painted the town Pink by going to at least three Clubs and now here we were at our fourth one and he was in no hurry despite the text messages and the calls streaming to his phone but he kept on ignoring. See, I generally love dates even the one I had at a National Park and I had to nod and broadly smile at the guy’s jokes (including the dry ones). What? You have to be far-sighted in these things lest you are thrown out of the car and left stranded for a lion to make a supper out of you!

I digress…

To be continued…

Cole

C.D.R Special: A little glimmer of light in the darkness…

Four or five months ago in the beautiful city of Cape Town, I did get to interact with Boniface* a native from Uganda. It was the first time I actually got to speak Swahili in a foreign country and felt fucking good about it. Well, of course I am not that proficient so it was a bit broken. I digress. Boniface fled from home as soon as his family back home found out he was a homosexual. He was in dire straits until an opportunity availed itself and he found himself in the Cape where he stays with some of his fellow countrymen who were faced with such similar circumstances. He has no contact with anyone back at home and is not keen on heading back there either. This was shortly after the time H.E President Museveni had signed into law the Anti Homosexuality Bill and lest we forget, while at it gave us a lecture on how oral sex is disgusting making me question how some people really spice it up in the bedroom. Oral sex to me is like a greeting, no? Oops I digress again.

While at O.R Tambo International making my way back home, I also got to meet this delightful Airport official (a white South African queen) who was enchanted just by the sight of my passport and he said one thing, “Aww… I love your country, it’s not like Uganda where they don’t like people like me.” I do remember intimating to him that Uganda can’t be anywhere in my travel itinerary even though it’s like a stone throw away from my homeland. He smiled.

A while ago, one of you told me that Uganda will be the case study on the clamor for LGBT rights in Africa. He emphasized that despite her problems where the Government is policing among other things bedroom affairs, it would be an authority for the rest of us who think we are liberal in these things. Of course I rolled my eyes and sipped my smoothie telling him. “In your dreams”.

 

So earlier today, the Constitutional Court of Uganda overturned the harsh law by declaring it null and void and all that came to mind were the aforesaid gentlemen. I thought of Boniface’s family back in Uganda who definitely feel this Judgment is a slap on their faces. I thought of us, who have continued to boycott Uganda, I thought of sanctions enforced by some members of the international community, I thought of the Ugandans who fled their country to Kenya. I thought of the activists who have put their lives on the line to fight an Executive popularly viewed as despotic. I thought of a fucking lot of things…but a few things are clear, it’s a beautiful day for Human Rights activists; the journey has just began and (to play for the other side a bit) whichever way you look at it, just on the strength of this decision, the Ugandan Judiciary has struck a first for Sub Saharan Africa! I mean, we live in a continent where such bold “activist” decisions are frowned upon by the Executive and of course it’s likely to attract consequences but be that as it may, it will be interesting to see how this fight escalates to the Appeal Court. 

I am in high spirits as an LGBT identifying person, I feel like it’s my own battle. I tip my hat to the petitioners and say, Godspeed!

Succinctly put, this is a welcome little glimmer of light in the darkness…      

Cole