I am a Diva and I make no apologies for it!

By Sasha Fiercé Alejandro

I understand that with a lot of people gayness is equated with suppression. Perhaps being outrageously "outspoken" is a way to deal with the confinement. It's natural and normal part of life. But people hesitate to talk openly about their needs, their desires and their concerns because they are so fearful of what others might think. I introduce BITCHY in the A list of Attitude. Bitchyness is a verbal armor to protect the gay diva.

Let me attempt to clarify the misused term bitchy; it doesn't mean acting like a nag and telling your man what to do. It doesn't mean talking to your man in a whiny or bickering way, it doesn't mean being rude and insensitive. That’s not the attitude am talking about.
The bitchy attitude here is the one that makes men respond on a deep and instinctual level with gay divas who act bitchy.

A gay diva (Oh,Kindly scroll down the bottom of this article and click 'play' then get back here!) here is not just a clone diva. Honey, this is a man who is a bit of a rebel with some finish of cocky, speaks his mind and doesn't bend over backwards for women or for people in general; he wants a manly act (if you know what I mean)

Let’s get back to the bitchy attitude. I must admit that here in Kenya literally being bitchy gets you called a DRAMA QUEEN. Call me a drama queen but I tend to act ambivalent, cold and bitchy...you know what?  I get to meet and attract men like am some kind of supermodel even though am not...LOL (flicks hair)

DONT'S OF REAL BITCHY GAY DIVAS (Wannabes' exist)

  

Being a Bitch/Diva isn't about stepping on other people, or reality TV-style sabotage antics. It’s about working hard for what you want, and knowing when to stand up for what you deserve. It’s not about demoralizing others; it’s about self-empowerment. It’s not about being arrogant; it’s about displaying your confidence and intellect as a badge of pride. It’s not asserting any inherent superiority or self-entitlement, but recognizing your own self-worth and value. The code is simple:

1. They will never compromise what they like or who they are for anyone not even a man, you know why? If you compromise you seem needy. This is not attractive.
2. Bitchy gay divas protect their feelings and don't allow a man's "issues" to get in the way of their happiness, if the man is acting distant or Moody, (s) he’ll propel an attitude that tells him he needs to "deal with it" 
3. Bitchy gay divas, don’t feel pressured to get physical with a man before they are ready. This is the best part and I call it UNPREDICTABILITY. Bitchy gay divas must be challenging, but more importantly, they have to be unpredictable for men.

 THE A IN ATTITUDE (DIVATTITUDE)
A real diva would do everything s/he can not to waste this lesson, because when the lesson is wasted, That Bitch Called Life (she’s the ultimate bitch) will only use a bigger hammer next time around. Every first class bitch knows, when you're bitchy in the wrong way, it can backfire big-time!   

                                                                                

A diva who is strong, successful, pretty and a fashionable gay guy must have all the aforesaid to make it in the A list of the A in the A-ttitude. In some other circles it’s called maximizing your Heartless Bitch Potential (HBP)

  

If a bunch of guys are calling me a Bitch, I know I must be hitting a nerve, if they start calling me a Heartless Bitch, I know I've got them running scared, but the best part is when they call me a Cold, Heartless Bitch Diva (Prince's personal favorite), because they know I am someone they will never be able to subjugate.

 Regards,
Sasha. 

 

Sasha Fierce Alejandro is a tough self made diva in our queer scene; always tells it as it is and takes no sh*t from anyone. He recently marked his one year relationship anniversary with his beau, Prince.

Maybe I'm a wild one...

 By Cole Mutahi

It is 4.14 a.m. Sunday Morning. I just got home over ten or so minutes ago after what I consider a night of sin. The action was in Kiambu where 3 of my former colleagues had insisted I tour central. Just don’t get me started on that muddy place the host’s car got stuck and reinforcement had to be sought. 

 I really appreciate that I did this since I got to learn a procedure or two that as a future motorist, I wouldn’t have even thought of. 

I’m having some biting as I watch an episode of this G.C.B Series I bought immediately I came back from Coast. Seemingly sleep isn’t forthcoming thanks to the over 4 cans of Red Bull I had and at least I got to buy my people drinks. See I don’t drink safe for some economical amount of wine in the confines of my house when I’m having one of those CM moments! I must admit I was apprehensive about this whole thing since once you are a gay man and an acid tongued bitch like yours truly, hanging out with heterosexual people is something to think about. Let me just say I now have very revealing pictures of people behaving ‘badly’ two of whom are married men and a lady whose fiancé I happen to be in nodding terms with. (Just never hang out with sober people in a club)

We left Shark (Where I got the above Bar stool advice) I think at 2.56 a.m. thereabout and I gather I gave the host my memory stick to play some music as he was dropping me in the CBD:

Okay, that song really got me thinking about me. 2012 has really been a defining year for me. Things just seem to be moving so fast and not planned for. Remember it’s the year that gave us the trophy boyfriend, the year I switched jobs and the social life that was under total jeopardy is slowly turning out to be really something worthwhile after all. In fact, going by some of these pictures I guess it’s really more like a journey. Oh, I also remember Eldoret in March. Jamleck’s sunroof making some not so honest proclamation…

Been visibly laying low, there is just not so much excitement about many things at the moment. Flirting with all these men online seems to be really a routine. Sometimes I even look back and wonder: Honey, is it really worth the effort?

 

FAST FORWARD >>

Some music is playing, sh*t it’s morning already! The awesome lady who always assists tidying up my dungeon on every other weekend is here. Apparently she’s got keys to the house so I have to make a brief waking up just for some quick instructions then slip right back to my warm bed. Gosh, now what if she found me in a man’s arms! (I’m just thinking aloud) Speaking of men…you guys definitely remember that guy who was significantly younger than me. He’s been texting of late. It’s very interesting how I’m going to deal with this other forthcoming lunchtime date with a guy I’m being set up with. I’ve already tuned my mind to be polite and just attend the damn lunch since I just don’t believe in such arrangements (When you got a queer couple as your best friends who have been in a 8 month relationship, trust me you get lots of these) I think going by the advice of those older guys in last week’s article, I will date a lot as they said. I won’t combust due to lack of the presence of a penis.

Jeez, where are my manners? Yes, sad, clingy, little Jimmy may have an obvious crush on me; and yes he agrees with everything I say. But sexy, confident Johnny has the guts to ask me out; and that really makes all the difference. People are wrong: The size of a man's penis is unimportant. What matters is how big his balls are. Wait this has some sort of Déjà Vu… Have a great week and keep it here at T.S.R. 

It’s going to be really Hot this week!

 CM

Classic Lies We Gay Men Tell Each Other.

By Kamal Fitsum.

Before we get started on this end of week segment, I have a disclaimer: The following text is satire and is not meant to encourage division, homophobia or even be taken seriously, for that matter. 
It’s a major violation of Man Law...Uum what else… Not only am I about to reveal the secret lies that deceitful gay and bisexual men tell each other but I'm also going to translate what they actually mean. I’m sure this will ruin things for a lot of men out there. They will no longer be able to use these lines in their attempts to deceive unsuspecting thirsty homosexuals too caught up in lust to realize the obvious. Let’s do this kuchus (slang for gay men here in Kenya)! Besides, we are gay and we’ll be here for a while. One thing you should ask your fine self: How many of these lies have you used and was it worth it? 

Oh! Let’s get your usual music going:

LIE:
"My Phone Had Died."
TRANSLATION:
"I didn't feel like talking to you so I screened your calls/texts."

LIE:
"My phone charges better when it's turned off."
TRANSLATION:
"I can't talk to you at home in front of my boyfriend."

LIE:
"Yeah, I'm masculine."
TRANSLATION:
"I'm the most masculine person amongst my ultra fem-queen friends. 
So technically I'm masculine....ish."

LIE:
"There wasn't any signal where I was. I didn't even see that you called me."
TRANSLATION:
"Even though this is laughable when it happens in horror movies, you will believe it not realizing that I was actually with another guy."

LIE:
"I fell asleep."
TRANSLATION:
"I was deliberately screening and avoiding your calls/texts but you will still believe I was asleep in the middle of the day."

LIE:
"Sup stranger, miss you..."
TRANSLATION:
"The dude I was talking to is a wrap so now I'm digging in my phone for old scraps to fill time until he gets back with me."

LIE:
"Something came up, my fault, can't meet up tonight."
TRANSLATION:
"The dude I really want FINALLY hit me up tonight to hang out!"

LIE:
"Oh him? We're just friends."
TRANSLATION:
"He's my recent Ex that I used to fuck (maybe occasionally still do)."

LIE:
"Sorry, I was working late."
TRANSLATION:
"I was with another guy all night and we had amazing oral sex."

LIE:
"I'm versatile, but I'll only bottom for the right dude."
TRANSLATION:
"I'm a bottom." (Cole, no offence I know you have an exclusive bottys’ piece coming up)

LIE:
"I've never done that with anyone but you."
TRANSLATION:
"I want you to think I'm kinda innocent but actually I'm a recovering whore."

LIE:
"My boyfriend? We JUST broke up."
TRANSLATION:
"We're still together on and off again but I want you to THINK we broke up."

LIE:
"My apartment doesn't get good reception so only text me, don't call."
TRANSLATION:
"I can't talk to you at home in front of my boyfriend."

LIE:
"I'm only looking for 'Friends First' and we'll take it from there."
TRANSLATION:
"I want to string you along for a while in case a better option comes along."

LIE:
"My 'best friend' is coming in from outta town this weekend. Gotta entertain him."
TRANSLATION:
"This other dude I've been chatting with online is coming in from outta town this weekend. Gotta hook-up with him."

LIE:
"Sorry, I’ve been really busy"
TRANSLATION:
"I made the time to do a whole lot of other things BESIDES link up with you."

LIE:
"Oh, I decided at the last minute to go out."
TRANSLATION:
"I told you I was busy and/or sick but really I had already made other plans."

LIE:

"I love you so much that dinner and drinks are on me tonight."
TRANSLATION:
"I fucked a co-worker during lunch today."

Think about it guys, our queer lives are mostly built on lies and the bad thing with lies is that we never remember them.  

The major worry is always about getting caught but hey, we all do it save our asses but then the damage is already done. As you set off for your weekend, try as much as possible to keep it real. 

Kisses!

Kamal Fitsum
 

Kamal Fitsum is a Kenyan expatriate working for gainful employment in West Africa. He’s an ardent reader and enthusiast of LGBT rights. He has a pretty fertile mind on the gay scene and is also a very keen observer of the happenings in the same.

Reflections from the older gay man...

By Cole Mutahi.

 

It’s been ages since we got something going on here. Never mind in a writer’s world every article counts just so you know. A date I managed to share a conversation with calls it writer’s block but hey I don’t think I’m there yet. It’s just that since my three or so week hiatus out of the city, things seem to have changed a bit, duties have been on the incremental and I seem to be losing myself in the midst of it all. Talk about first world pains!

To add insult to injury, of late I’ve been getting so concerned about the issue of growing old. Maybe it’s because of some two guys who have rubbing their age agenda on my face. Men are just so obvious at times! Speaking of getting old there are some very wise sentiments I’ve been learning as a young gay man in the scene from older men in my inane life.

(Let me share with you some great song that was originally by Cohen. Please listen to it keenly. I find it really appealing for this article before we go to those things older men are planting in my head):

 

• Reinvent

People get bored with the same old shit and society puts pressure on everyone and everything to be different. So always try as much as you can to turn around your already fucked up life occasionally. Further, it stimulates further interest from not only your men quarters but also everyone generally. Reinventing yourself in this life means that you will never be predictable. Meredith Brooks further opines in her ‘B.I.T.C.H’ song: Just when you think you got me figured out, the season is already changing…

• Honey, don’t struggle to impress me…

In your skinnies, all accessorized and carrying your man purse whose contents are definitely sinful, you are heading out for a night of fun with that 30 something guy you’ve been playing hard to get for. The club was great. Check. The guy drives a 4WD. Hmm…check. OMG The guy has an apartment on Wood Avenue, Kilimani! Check (considering you still live in Kayole and you’d told him you stay with your Uncle off Gitanga Road)...and his bedroom, Gosh! He’s definitely in touch with his feminine side so you definitely sleep with him. Now the problem is this he promised to call. Nothing after a week even that tryst he promised at The Junction Mall next Saturday isn’t forthcoming. Then you do what pretty boys’ love doing best: Making Excuses for a fellow gay man (who’s probably screwing and/or getting screwed elsewhere). ‘Maybe he’s busy or he’s on a work trip…or maybe I was so bad in bed…but he said we’ll…?’ Here is where the older men told me they got a PhD in screwing up with a young mind even if we put all those defenses of I’m independent, I’m mature, I know what I want etc. I think it’s time we got real. Maybe I’m daft but I never see why we make up all these excuses just to look sophisticated. It’s easier when you do it with your peers but one lesson from the older folk is that they’ve been in this trade for a damn long time that they know the things that make us go gaga! Oh then they leave us high and dry…The policy is I want you, I’ll get you and I’ll be done with you sooner than you realize.

• Get your heart broken…Not once

Okay you guys definitely know that I have some far-fetched and misplaced beliefs in love and other meaningless pursuits. Here is the deal. Everyone has that moment in their queer life where he wants to feel value and a sense of belonging other than just being serviced by any horny stranger they meet online.  The older guys opine that I am still growing and mirroring the opinions of movies and lifestyle magazines that I have a crush on and need to get my act together. They unanimously decided that I get my heart broken several times and only then will I decipher this love shit that everyone seems to be selling in the 21^st C.

• Read something

Not many of us are academics considering the sorry state of our education system which I’ve criticized in another forum but there is just something about reading. I’m not talking about reading that bitch’s Facebook updates or the latest issue of Kama sutra sex positions…There is just something about reading. You end up accumulating all these new ideas and not only launch them into unsuspecting humans but also build your diction and thinking generally…

• Date a lot

Here is the thing, Dr. Clark in one of the articles he did here for us here at TSR told us about how gay men put a lot of ‘quality expectations’ on their fellows yet they lack the same. I have been taught that I need to date a lot (not just sex a lot).The great thing here is that when you go out on a date you really get to know people even if they end up in your bed but at least you establish some sort of connection and calmness (Crap! What the hell am I talking about?) Further, when you go on several dates you appreciate diversity and differences in men, their thinking, values and ambition. This builds your confidence and helps you grow in a way.  I guess even when in a relationship, it is okay to go out for those platonic coffee trysts that you get to be invited for…you will always learn something in these things.

• There exists a pretty boy older guys keep a safe distance but want…

He’s in all probability not affluent, still growing, got school going on, dresses pretty well (even if the clad is from Gikomba Market) and is fascinated by the latest technology. Not so keen on cars since he’s not there yet but can throw a compliment or two for yours. Has a vibrant social life and only dates a specific type of guys. Mostly it’s because he has some needs to be taken care of (sexual and not necessarily material) but expressly makes that clear on a first date so that he doesn’t find himself in a compromising situation. (Remember Izaak M said a Pretty boy has needs). He will never call you but texts you occasionally just to prove he communicates and he won’t keep you on phone for more than 2 minutes. He shall meet you at specific times and you have no direct right to his weekend schedules where he’s mostly outdoors with friends. He never comments on your wealth or financial standing and doesn’t even look amused about it. He’s mastered the art of being classy however humble a background he may have. He’ll get you a gift with the pocket money he gets from his parent or guardian. He will never say I love you but when he does he’ll really mean it. Succinctly put: he never puts his life on hold for anyone even if you dazzle or shower him with niceties…

His fellow pretty boys’ love to hate him and it’s very justifiable since he has seen us (all familiar faces from a chapter of his fuc*ed up past) having lunch with someone he recognizes from Tacos and or Gypsies.

He smiles with a tinged look and draws some conclusion: Why is it that when they are over 35 and want to fuck a 19-year-old they have to feed them first? What a strategic waste of hotness!

Regards,

Cole M

 

Wrong Man For The Job

    By Bugz Maingi

Every gay man’s fantasy is to find a good man who loves him, protects him and provides for him-Ok, this last one is pretty boys’ biggest fantasy. But the world seems to be running short of such men and finding them and keeping them proves to be an uphill task that many can't manage. Here’s an extract of a conversation I had with my guy friends. The big question was: Are there good gay men? Good is a relative term here.
 

Ray Sean: Guys, let’s look at this from another point of view. Why do we attract the Mr. Wrongs?

 

Bugz: Ray, it ain't that we attract Mr. Wrong; I think we fear being alone and want to belong thus jump on the first guy 

Charlz: It’s like it’s destined that right people get the wrong ones and vice versa

Ray Sean: Nope, I do not agree. We are the cause, we see what we want to see but not what is true and deception starts there!

 

Bugz: …and why do that? We’re desperate to belong. Reason I’m re-evaluating my priorities 

Ray Sean: That is another perspective. And we do lie to ourselves mostly and get to over rate ourselves and others

…and lots of wishful thinking that we choose to perceive as the truth.

Bugz: The pressure of wanting to be loved can blind you not to see the faults of the potential man.

Ray Sean: Besides, we just do not want to cultivate our own standards and values and be loyal to them 

Charlz: I am loyal to mine…

Bugz: Charlz, no offence taken but you want to tell me you've got Mr. Right? Most guys in relationships are there coz they don't want to be single. 

Charlz: Nope...not right but I feel despite all that we go through together we are able to sit down talk n come out as one...

 

Ray Sean: Bugz, if you love yourself in the first place and appreciate your self-worth and not enslave yourself to brainwashed beliefs... I think you will maximize your HBP

Bugz: Charlz you have a point but not all issues can be talked through especially those to do with trust and honesty. Too many personal standards and values take the back seat when it comes to love resulting in guys selling themselves short. 

Ray Sean: What I know is that Mr. Right comes from within you. Know who you are, love and accept that and your matches will appear before you!

Charlz: Embracing dialogue is the most important thing in a relationship. Accepting ones’ mistakes and to be corrected is a plus.

 

Bugz: I couldn't have said it better bi*ches. Know what you want and don't compromise…Just don't set your standards too high and also don't compromise in the name of love. Don't take shit, unfaithfulness in the name of making it work. Honey, you’ll be doomed. 

Ray Sean: …and it would be a whole different story, the fairytales we talk about would be a reality. (Smiles)

 

Charlz: You fail if from the beginning you were not committed. Who said a relationship is a bed of roses? To make it stand u got to sweat....

 (Ooops, let's get your usual Music going....)

The above conversation got me thinking, many of us are looking for the good men but they are hindered by:-

 

·         Fear of being alone.

·         Desperation (Even the pretty boys’ code detests this)

·         Overrating ourselves and others. (Just because you want to look cool)

·         Pressure from self and peers.

·         Lack of self-worth, values and standards. (Honey, you must define your fine self)

·         Lack of trust, honesty and communication in relationships. (Do I even need to explain this?)

·         Compromising and justifying shortcomings and faults in relationships...Oh and excuses when the relationship is on the rocks!

 

These reasons and others make us fail to find good men to love us. So, if you've been wondering why you keep falling for Mr. Wrong or out of all the frogs and toads you’ve kissed, none of them has turned into a handsome prince. It's time you re-evaluate your life and love priorities, and don't you lose hope yet your PRINCE CHARMING is waiting on the horizon…The others are wrong for the job!

"I’m not single. I’m not committed. I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves me…"

Bugz M.