You got to rule the world Bi*ches!

Phew! Now that was good exercise! Hey, before your clouded minds start wandering, I’m not talking about  ‘s – exercise’ here. Oops! I think that was a wrong start, let’s give it a second shot. As I pen this, I’m still topless after some calming warm shower keying in my thoughts away. Did I ever tell you that in the recent past I’ve added some few Kilos? Well, now you know. That’s what has been keeping me on toes. At least one day each week I spend 30 minutes walking all in the name of maintaining that lean body that fits within those parameters in our dating sites. Yes, I actually walk from the CBD. I’ve never figured out why I can never walk beyond Prestige yet home must be much nearer from there maybe middle class pressure? You know, someone who knows me may see me and they may think I don't have fare! In this particular one I took 45 minutes. It’s always refreshing to walk all that way, you know. Build some few castles (read as Tafaria) in the air, appreciate MEN kind – Seriously. It helps you single out the fine attributes you want in a man. In my case I’ve just  realized that my men need not only be tall but also have this loose sense of handsomeness that you notice shortly, not immediately – and it's also a perfect avenue for deciding what to talk about in T.S.R. like for instance I finally have a backup story for next week’s piece on high maintenance boys and/or gay diggers (gay version of a gold digger). This coming weekend is likely to be full of calorie intake so I have to create room for next week’s trek. In two weeks I can call it off and limit it to my weekend cycling sessions now that those scratches have fully healed.

Last week was great after I left the T.S.R studios safe for having to help one of my senior friends’  colleague  clients go make queries at JKIA just because he got lost while flying in prohibited airspace during the past weekend! Can you imagine how classy some people’s problems are, damn! Since it’s official some of you people blossom on grapevine, who am I to keep quiet about it? So there I was over the weekend after having some awesome breakfast date with a gentleman whose qualities are disputed, I later went to window-shop for a cake. I got samples and I’m still tasting them. Tee (the dude I was yapping about last week a.k.a shag buddy) was in town briefly but had a dry spell since I always have this tradition of having a temporary and unjustified man cleanse a fortnight to my birthday. He opined that the lemon cake I got is just green food color and doesn’t have any sour flavor therein. He still didn’t understand why I was busy having pizza (large) for lunch for someone who is trying to bring sexy back.  He is definitely right but I’m sure it won’t make much difference. He further reiterated his wishes in us getting steady?? Here is where you join me and we all say: Oh Em Gee! And here I was thinking that it’s only pretty boys who usually turn a simple fuck into some sort of engagement. This guy is now figuratively (I mean, literally he has) becoming a pain in my a**! Kindly save him in your memories, I don’t think we’ve seen the last of him.

So I’m now (almost) a year shy of a quarter of a century. It has got me thinking. It has been a good year for me. More work, extra bake, extra opportunities, less men. All my resolutions this year have been substantially met and I’m living on bonuses. I think it was geared to be this way. At times the universe simply disorganizes you in order to reinvent you. Neatly put: prepare you to rule the world.

There is no party this weekend since I lack the luxury of time and the cakes have been categorically done for the colleagues; there is also the one for family and a spare one for the house (doesn’t necessarily include me) I know there is also this Halloween gig as well organized by the capable Risha who I have been thinking should come here and teach some of us business. The senior Mutahi being in town means I have to entertain him and dragging him to a place where he’s likely to meet his future brother(s) – in – law in masks and scary costumes is off limits.  I will have to find a way to conveniently sneak off after that Saturday family dinner. This is the problem with being a gay man in Africa. Who wants those impromptu prayers of deliverance performed on them! 

I remember with nostalgia when I was nineteen. That is when I really stopped that self – destructing zega men go through when they are trying to accept their sorry selves. In my view it’s usually the hardest part in a zega man’s life. Some end up being used and abused then further evolve only to get branded as resident hoes known for their generosity. Whereas some resort to adverse situations where suicide becomes an option, some manage to pick a few cues from all these experiences and become first class bitches, and I say this with a lot of admiration because I’ve been branded one. Personally, I know my loyalties have always been with men since I was eight or even earlier but this is a story for another day. When you realize that praying and fasting isn’t working, when porn becomes your dinner and dusk breakfast, when a few strange men leave you cold, ashamed and lying naked on the floor minus a senseless disease just yearning for more, that’s when you realize that you need to rule the world.  

Zega men boast of very admirable qualities in addition to many of the stereotypes associated with them but then we've also become our own worst enemies. What we fail to realize is that we are on our own and need a support system where we protect our own, help each other evolve or help the weak among us discover the best in themselves. The thing we all got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just take it! 

As I make a transition this week, I’m going to perfect that and positively influence our people to follow this direction through those small but important deeds. Meet a need as the former GALCK boss once put it? Of course I still maintain I've no patience or time for people who wear their insecurities on their sleeves like badges of honor. You know where that gets us. Reminds me of an old boy who once said that no one should wait for light at the end of the tunnel. Get your ass down there and light it yourself!

Cole Mutahi.

When the shag buddy catches feelings…

There is trouble brewing in paradise. My paradise. You people remember Tee, right? The guy who gave me that ‘we are sinning’ conversation and all? Well did I also mention that I’ve been involved in some cyclical recurring not-so-godly’ approved romps with him? Now you know. Guess what? He said I love you! (He was sober because the horniness had been taken care of so it is something very serious) C’mon you honestly didn’t think I’m one of those pretty boys who gets head over heels when a guy recycles those lines he usually uses on unsuspecting pretty boys just to get ass! It comes with experience just so you know.

Okay, okay…fine I know you may be wondering how I have been M.I.A and then I just come in here and start talking like it’s been business as usual. Well, to be honest I have been thoroughly swamped courtesy of my current assignment that is probably occupying most of my time and since it’s public knowledge my weekends are for sleeping and watching some flicks, that should be sufficient explanation. Not that I’m complaining besides, Murray opines that a ship in a port is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. Sail out to sea and do new things! Further, the few scratches I got from the new (and not so cheap) bitch in my life are healing at their own convenience. For a moment I almost started rummaging online for some vampire blood. I know it heals instantly.  I have since squared it with her and told her that she needs to co-operate with me since she’ll be hanging out with me for a while. But just in case you run into me, keep off my left elbow.

Back to my man intricacies: Now some former men have been making some not so welcome comebacks. Why do they always resurface when you have finally got your game figured out and the world revolves around yourself minus them in it? The code has always been against recycling men. Now you know why I don't do second chances when it comes to matters zega (Kamal don't sue me, it's the other way round). I mean, there is a reason they outgrew you in the first place or vice versa, right? These men's decisions are so ill timed and not welcome. Just the way clothes and shoes are to a zega man; one's standards, qualities and tastes in men change over time. 

Of late my phone is even getting those nice boy related texts. Creepy right? I know! I seriously hate ambush. It throws you off balance and makes your intellect questionable. I consulted what I do best when I find myself in such peculiar circumstances. The pretty boys’ code states that a shag buddy is NOT supposed to profess feelings without giving you sufficient notice when all along the arrangement has been casual. My friend and writing enthusiast J.Sisulu calls it a Common Fucking Arrangement hereinafter referred to as CFA. I largely agree with his sentiments.

All single zega men have that one guy they usually meet with for an occasional moment of consensual sin. Not that they are afraid of commitment or anything but isn’t that what they are for? Convenience especially when you are undergoing a dry spell and need some live remedy which excludes your hand, of course protected and all. It’s a society of instant money transfer, instant showers, instant tea, instant sex from a familiar person etc.  You and I know how the process of ‘searching’ can be tiring and time consuming. Same lines, same conversations, same sh*t…different boy.

So while I was in my reverie trying to evaluate my options (as if I have any).  I put on my thinking cap and one thing was clear. Repeated sexual patterns with someone is likely to end up into some kind of a complication but then I’m sure you’ll gladly counteract me and say different people makes one a hoe and a pride of being too generous  with their valuables. Yes. It’s so easy to say we are not the relationship types and that love is an illusion but what is that yearning that one develops with time? Catching feelings if I were to put it mildly…Months ago I had an obsession for this same man and if he’d proposed then I would have gladly said Yes and another bonus yes! Today I don’t even need to think about it. It’s a NO that came effortlessly and from my deepest convictions.  

Then again there is this thing I read from some bitch’s timeline that the ultimate test of being gay is falling in love with men not just screwing around with them! Profound, don't you think?

The shag buddy has always been a safe transition between you and the one (more like a temporary remedy) but when he finally wants more? Do the math...no situation is permanent. Okay, I got that from some preacher in some requiem mass I graced a while back. This applies to CFA's too. Maybe his mandate is complete when he gets these feelings and needs to be dropped into the friend zone or if his company is still difficult to do without, one can still keep him around. You do agree getting serviced can be a tough job at times and of course a boy needs his toy(s).

Would you get steady with your shag buddy? That is entirely in your court. I wouldn’t unless I subscribe to the same!

P.S: Last evening I managed to wait for that Castle story in one of our local stations. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Reminds me of that adage: Stop looking for the prince, instead look for the castle since it comes with the prince in it! I still owe you that article on high maintenance boys, gay diggers e.t.c. Just be a little be patient. I'm thinking it should be my gift to you on my forthcoming anniversary. It’s not every day one gets a year older. Kisses!

CM