Of Sex, Gay friendships and Impaired Judgments.

I hate to break it to you (and your shrink): You shall NEVER make a rational decision once you have slept with them even if they are certified hookers! Okay, even all your fair attempts at it will result only to a clouded judgment.

Prologue                                                                                                                                                

While the rest of us are dead asleep or busy being indolent, they are busy rummaging through T.S.R and giving me compliments, ideas and other requisite feedback. Thanking the second most popular readers on T.S.R after Kenya: The United States! I’m relevant because you give me a reason to. There are also some persons whom I've been interacting with lately. They challenge my intellect, intimidate my conscience and sharpen my wits generally. Pithily put, I’m very proud to be associated with such personalities. Really. (Jamleck ardently opines that this is how men should behave forgetting that some very sober men actually forget where they parked their cars and it takes intervention of that gorgeous guy at the ticket section to help them locate making some Asian women really have a field day laughing)                                                                                                                                  

My cousin is in town. I’m NOT talking about those cousins zega men usually use to refer to individuals they are sleeping with or to be fair enough intend to. See, he’s my immediate cousin, probably two or three years my junior. I haven’t seen him for several years. He visited me the other day for dinner in the company of my aunt. I can’t make any eye contact and I can’t talk with him for over a minute on phone. I tried to dig my sense of right and wrong and the result was simple: There is an outstanding childhood feud that I still seem to harbor. It was caused by scramble for toys.

Back to our clouded judgments discourse.                                                                                 

To those of you who work in organizations, you are probably privy to the scuttlebutt on inter alia who sleeps with the boss. Yes, maybe for purposes of climbing the corporate ladder all because the boss’ judgment is clouded. I know I've said pretty boys don't suck d!ck for success but Hey, so long as we are not bound by those ‘Relationship in office’ forms, honey, it’s a cruel world out there –survival for the fittest- if the boss gets the Pu**y (either of them), you can sure control anything including those flexible working hours…without any adverse measures being taken! I'm just saying...

My friend Sage* took a San Fran bound flight a fortnight ago. He’ll be away for almost two years. I've known him for close to 2 years now...his partner for a year.  I recollect he saw me through a nasty breakup last year (Yeah, even acid-tongued pretty boys like yours truly have had man issues), he has vastly critiqued my choices in men (He used to vet them and still believes I should seriously settle down like him; his partner reiterates as much and doesn’t decipher why I roll solo), he’s given me lots of mature and mostly work related advise...Neatly put, he’s one of those guys I look at and say Wait a minute, gay men can be very valuable platonic friends! I mean, I’ve never gone past a hug when it comes to him. One of the things I treasure. 

I’ll definitely miss him us, but I’m sure our friendship will pick from where it was left or even better. No complications.                                                                                                                                                

But maybe there are exceptions. I know in the past I’ve had some little indiscretion with probably my longest serving pal in the scene. I met him after a year worth of tête-à-tête. He probably stands the highest chance of being the one but I know him too well!        
Yes, that is what happens when you become friends before the common place shag buddies! The sequence matters a lot. For instance: Who do you talk to when the man pu**y is damn painful the morning after or better still yes, it was hard and stiff ready for the job but nothing came out after all that effort! OMG, I just met this guy...blah blah.  Such friends are also important in the scene and some of these arrangements are largely non-sexual and ones conscience remains clear.

I know zega (gay) men don't like commitment. It cuts across the universe. While some frustrated you keep complaining that being gay is a curse where people just fu*k, I will let you into a secret. Trap someone into friendship. Of course you can always use those excuses e.g I am not sexually attracted to you, we know each other too well, I am not sure that I want something stable at the moment. Friendship breeds some awesome sense of familiarity.Even to those of you who are crafting that emotionally co-dependent shitstorm you call a 'relationship', once you start from friendship, the rest will roll out smoothly. If you have a standoff you can easily outgrow it and revert back to the friends’ level.  Just ask those exes who are still in nodding terms with each other.

So this ‘clouded judgment’ conversation was finalized yesterday when I was having lunch with a gentleman/zega friend who has very careful manners - an indicator of being well bred - that are smarmy in other men. He mostly differed but I tried to back it up with real examples. Despite the peculiar circumstances we find ourselves in, I’ll definitely be making a lot of impaired judgments when it comes to him, who knows maybe in my entire life. That's how it works.

Can zega guys be just friends? Maybe Yes. Can it stand the test of time before the big ‘can we hook up’ question pops up? I don’t know. Okay, let’s say that the question isn’t avowed by one party; is that the end of the friendship? That’s entirely in your court guys…

Next week we explore intrigues with men who spot wedding bands. I’ve always maintained they are a no go zone for me but…

Regards,

Cole.