Feedback: I am a gay man. I will cheat on you!

Dear T.S.R,

Let me make it clear that I am not a fan of TSRians. If anything, I think if gay bottoms and queens want to bitch and hate on (cough) good gay tops out there, they can do a Kenyan version of The A List (bitches, I watched the show so sue me!).
I may not be a fan but neither am I immune to reading some of the posts (here) from disgruntled, lacking in love, and living-on-cloud nine mamas with cocks.

So, like the proverbial fox I decided to be set loose among the chickens and bring some well needed sanity and testosterone to this Ru Paul pity party. Move bitches. Move.
Instead of taking on all who have posted here – there were some good and bad ones – let me offer you my outlook on love, sex, relationships, farts and chocolate souffles or what we call, oh, so badly, soiling the sheets. *Whiskey on the rocks* Now, that is a man’s drink.

The TRUTH about gay men:

1. We will cheat on you.
Eh, that should not even make you have an Oprah-audience-gasp moment. It’s in our blood. Whether you meet a guy and fall in love and start living as a couple, the chances of him cheating on you are, well, the same chances I have a penis between my legs. Too many bottoms have this illusory dream of finding Prince Charming who will marry them and live happily ever after. Fuck that shit.

Bitch, you come to my backyard, I pay all your bills, take you out, fuck you, and if I get some by-the-way ass, you causing drama? On me? Crying and saying how much you love me and how I have broken your heart and all that ish? Listen, if I wanted to watch a gay man sing about having his heart broken, I would watch them wannabe homo musicians in American Idol.

We cheat because we can, we want and we will. We may not say it out loud or it’s not an appendix to our resume when we are running after you, but honey, you signed up with me and you forgot to read the fine print and to be honest, if you do not find out, so what? It’s done and over with. Chances are we will have shagged a million times, it will be ages later and I would have taken some penicillin for that yeast infection, duh!

The thing is, I can cheat on you BUT if you cheat on me, ma’faka, I will send you packing back to where I found you – on the streets! The law of the land dictates the man who does the fucking calls the shot. I will never bottom for a dude because then he makes you his bitch. And you can cheat on a bitch as much as you want. If I cheat on you, be a good bottom and suck it up!

2. There is nothing wrong with open relationships, threesomes and some adventure.

Your ass becomes boring at some point. It’s the same style, same hole, same hair, same smell. Dude, we have become so routine it’s boring! WE need to spice things up. Knowing how ‘egg’ you are, I will not tell you I want to spice things up or that I actually fantasize about another bottom while ramming my cock up your rosebud.
The fact is I love you. I do. And I want us (and me) to be happy. That means if I tell you I want to bring a third person in our bed so that I bang the two of you while you two make out, understand. If you do not, then I will cheat on your ass.

 

I rest my case...for now.

Denis Nzioka

 The author is the Chief Editor of Identity Kenya (An online publication that caters for the LGBT community and sex workers) and a boisterous activist.