The Zega Constitution: The Gay Man's Bill of Rights

By Kamal Fitsum.

The bitch is apparently swamped with duties (Good luck remarks in your new assignment are in order) so I had to be called upon to wish you people a great weekend in T.S.R's End of Week segment. I don't trust him. I’m sure it’s all those crazy questions he’s been complaining you guys are sending his way for next week’s article which I hear is going to be crazy. Cole you better do what you do best! 

This week T.S.R hosted Wyatt, a chocolate romantic who gave us pretty nice pointers on how to spice things up. I’m still considering getting that novel.Now, you guys know me, I don’t say much rather than get you those funny things to ponder about over the weekend. Today we focus on The Zega Constitution.  Once again I must put a Disclaimer: The following text is satire and is not meant to encourage division, homophobia or even be taken seriously, for that matter. Just before we get all legal, your usual music is in order:

ARTICLE ONE:
You have the right to NOT be Out if you do not choose to be. Discretion about whom and what you do in the seclusion of your home (or rented hotel room) is included in your right to privacy.

ARTICLE TWO:
You have the right to be Naturally Masculine and not be accused of "Acting Straight" by Naturally Feminine/In-between gays who may be insecure, bitter or feeling rejected.

ARTICLE THREE:
You have the right to only have heterosexual close friends if the so-called "Gay Lifestyle" and the people who are a part of it are not interesting to you. Everyone has the right to surround themselves with like-minded people.

ARTICLE FOUR:
You have the right to not have feminine/in-between friends for whatever reason; everyone has the right to surround themselves with like-minded people. Implementing this right does NOT mean that you hate Fems.

ARTICLE FIVE:
You have the right to NOT date or be attracted to feminine men; in-between men included. Implementing this right does NOT mean that you hate Fems since many of them admit they would not date a Feminine Man either....Lolz

ARTICLE SIX:
You have the right to enjoy all sexual positions (including Top, Bottom or Versatile); all forms of oral sex also included. Being Masculine does not mean you are expected to only be a Top if that is not your singular preference. You also have the right to be Topped by a Feminine Man (Cole...take photos, please).

ARTICLE SEVEN:
You have the right to enjoy traditional masculine activities; you will not be chastised for watching soccer matches or  refusing to dance wildly to Beyonce songs and attend drag shows.

ARTICLE EIGHT:
You have the right to NOT own the entire "Noah's Arc" series on Blu-Ray or DVD. This also includes owning the Director's Cut editions of "Paris is Burning", "Kinky Boots" or "To Wong Foo"

ARTICLE NINE:
You have the right to remind feminine men that masculine gays have done just as much as Fems in the fight for basic civil rights for gays. If they deny this, ask them to provide proof.

ARTICLE TEN:
You have the right to be embarrassed when attention seeking flamboyant feminine men make a scene in a public places like restaurants, shopping malls and/or matatus.

None of these sentiments give you the right to verbally or physically harass feminine/in-between men for any reason whatsoever. Otherwise, all of your rights will be rescinded.

Any additional amendments or ratifications must be approved by a masculine gay congress.

Kamal.