This Love sh*t is overrated, really.

Host: Victor Geta

Never thought it would take me a quarter of a century to realize that love is just so f**king overrated. The movies, the books and all those lovey dovey stories that I heard had me blinded and led me to believe that love is all that; Let’s be very honest here guys: it is overrated.

Before we proceed further, I better put some miscellaneous thing(s) into perspective. The other day I was having this interesting conversation with Cole and I think he’s finally seen the light that my proposal on dating guys not so blessed in the looks department is definitely a pretty boys’ code matter. C’mon, you guys know how being a zega man is tough. You chat with someone online; share pictures; exchange phone numbers and then finally the hookup. Okay, in most cases those pictures we got never correspond to the horny stranger before us but then it’s normally too late (every gay man has needs) Yes, how do you sleep with someone you are pretty sure you can’t even look at directly? (Kissing is definitely out of the way)

The amended pretty boys’ code states: Cover the face, attack the base!

To those of you who feel time is running out and they need to fall for anyone for the long haul, there is something I came across while preparing for today and I think it's kinda intelligent.  Stendhal says: A man may meet a woman and be shocked by her ugliness. Soon, if she is natural and unaffected, her expression makes him overlook the fault of her features. He begins to find her charming, it enters his head that she might be loved, and a week later he is living in hope. The following week he has been snubbed into despair, and the week afterwards he has gone mad.

Back to matters today: If there is any fool out there just like me and is looking for the kind of love that Hollywood portrays, I hate to be the party pooper but you need to wake up and face the reality. I wondered why I was still alone and had to blame my fantasy, always looking for my prince charming with his shining armor and great physique. Fairy tales do happen but we all aren't Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella and Thumbelina. Let me echo something: Believe me I would not only love it if I simply slept for a hundred years just to get laid by some charming guy but also if birds were singing by my window and rabbits were helping me brush my hair in the morning.

But Wait... 

These same birds poop on your hair and rabbits are just cute pets in a cage that eat and nibble on carrots and cabbages all day long. Reality alert! Reality alert! It’s after posting this rather disturbing post on my TL that I started to question: Why in the name of god was I still single?
 

The fact of the matter was, as desperate as I was at some moments I was kind of picky and fixated on the idea of being rescued. Being hopelessly romantic did not do me any good. A guy who says ‘I’m looking for a serious relationship’ ain't going to be as gentlemanly as I would want him to be. After the first day he is asking me if I am willing to spend the night with him! SMH, dude let’s get this into your seemingly thick skull: I ain't that cheap and I ain't that easy. Then it gets better, when I’m the horny sexually charged guy, he automatically assumes that I’m a slut, trashy and a hoe!

After my encounter with these kinds of guys, I moved to the ''more mature and a bit older guys''.  After one or two dates I came to a conclusion that whether he is 20 or 40 a man is still a man, controlling and always carrying that little boy inside who always wants to play.
I was recently talking about this subject with a fellow zega who is now happily in a relationship and he asked me why I did break up with my former men. Some of the reasons that I volunteered were really ridiculous namely: ''THEY STOPPED BEING FUNNY''. He wanted to bitch slap me and shake me to wake up. Apparently, that's what is supposed to happen once you are in a relationship and stable...

'I never imagined that the man I fell in love because he made me laugh would eventually turn to some not so funny guy.’ I continued. I’m sorry but that's how it is. So, in conclusion some of the relationships that I successfully broke just because the fun was not just there anymore were actually blooming and growing, DAMN! What a fool I was.

I have since refused to blind date guys since it’s so complicated and besides, the guy whom you talk or chat to ain't the same kind of guy in person (the flirty, funny guy is mostly a silent geek in person) another good friend wrote to me saying blind dating is the way to go. ‘Geta, if you don't meet up guys, how will you meet that prince?' he asked with a lot of concern. I’ll meet him in my dreams. That’s more like it and there is no hustle about it. But maybe he had a point. Single and ready to mingle is the new motto. It has always been.
 

For a guy who believes in soul mates I had to stop for a moment and think. Maybe because of my childishness the proverbial Mr. Right has passed in my life without me realizing it (Did you know we zega guys have a checklist of unrealistic expectations on the men we meet?). I had to comfort myself with the answer 'I would know if I saw him. I haven't seen him yet.' 

Maybe I’m just kidding myself and looking for the easier way out from that tinge of self regret. Sh*t, what the hell? It’s working!
 

The lesson here is that whatever the situation, whoever we are - even those of us who have lifetime achievements for NSA initiatives - we all have got that idea about love and Mr. Right. What’s yours?

Victor Geta 

Victor Geta is an Addis-based konjo (pretty boy) and a friend to T.S.R making his sophomore appearance. He’s definitely opinionated on matters zega. He was recently on a trip to Kenya and has done an article (to distinguish the two regions’ queer scenes) that is ranked 5^th on T.S.R.