Aaaargh! Not a Married Man…Again!

The code has always been clear in my mind (I practically invented it): A pretty boy shall NOT live as someone’s hidden secret when he can be making it in someone else’s major headlines! 

But…

                                      

Prologue

I have started authentic cooking. Not that I didn’t know how to just that last week but one, our next door office neighbours had their lunch catered for. I happened to be invited for two days. So, over the weekend I got busy and went to the market to buy these assorted foodstuffs. I’m still trying to borrow a leaf from those great guys from the Intercon, talk about first world pains! The kachumbari (raw vegetable salad) turned out exactly like what I was served! I can’t wait to move to the next delicacy. Do you know how to cook? I’m talking about fine cooking not buying pizza and boiling water here. Keep it T.S.R. I undertake to critique gay men’s cuisine abilities in the not so distant future.

I also happened to grace this judicial function that same week; forgive my credibility but evidently we Kenyans have a very cool hunk of an older man we refer to as our Chief Justice (to our foreign readers just Google him so that we are on the same page) I got so insufferable when I learnt a new word from some two talented men, one was blind: Mbrrrcha! Apparently, it’s a street word expression when used means: No hard feelings. I loosely used it for a day then forgot about it in entirety since all and sundry made it clear that I need to be current.

Okay, before you start going all Judge Judy on me, there are some things if my late mama rose and even saw me expressing interest in learning I would get some real spanking and no, chains and whips don’t excite me at all here!

The word reeks of being ancient or a used up condom rather going by the handful of criticism I received.  I later on had the opportunity to see the brain behind it on Friday evening in one of those teenage shows. The only S.I Unit I’ve always had of someone who spots dreadlocks, speaks an impeccable lingo and is well known to me is Leo, the KIPE boss. Mbuzi (sic) is definitely Haaawt but I’m sure the only thing I’d ever understand if something ever happened between us God forbid is that Rastafarian chant ‘Aaaah! Jah Bless this a**’ during a quickie climax. If nothing seems to happen considering men nowadays have lots of pressure from pretty boys in the bedroom, I’d just tell him Hakuna Mbrrrcha! (No Hard feelings)

Finally, Friday was great; I wasn’t working though the workaholic in me stopped by the office ‘briefly’. Later in the afternoon I decided to go shopping. Six pairs of shoes and three skinnies that don’t fit later, I had to retire home and there is where all that aforesaid cooking talk came to fore. By the way my man cleanse ends in a week.  I’m glad I did it, the last time I was with a man in a not so honorable distance, there was just too much -OMG what did we just do? God will punish us- kind of talk. Further, the last time I did a man cleanse it rewarded me with one of those things you call boyfriend. It’s really remarkable how I successfully managed to have such misdirected priorities then. You should try it out you know. Sh*t, my bad! Let’s now focus, I've really blabbered…

OK, I have been having these not-so-godly-approved late night fantasies…with married men! Secondly, some very single men I happen to have met much earlier in the scene are lately making very worrying decisions: They are planning on getting married to women! (No disrespect meant girlfriends) and they have intimated to me as much citing inter alia their age clocks ticking. Whatever makes you sleep better at night guys! In my view I'd advise they really seek some counseling before this move lest they end up like all these lose canons deflowering young boys in town!

This week we talk about those fine men who once we talk to say, online, we virtually plan a relationship, move in with them, start having those couple moments guys in relationships usually have e.g. making for him that salad I talked about earlier, having joint investments…Then when we finally meet them, all the aforesaid fantasies go down the drain just because of a piece of metal on their left hand, Boom! They may be as popular as fuck or as fine as Lebron J but for Heavens sake, their loyalty lies with pu**y! 

          

Even if they feign it, I must admit, hitched men ooze lots of class in dating. They are pretty in charge of the situation however incompatible you find yourselves in.  Of course these are the guys that will appreciate a road trip with you out of town, they are pretty concerned about how independent you are; that’s why he asked whether you stay alone. You will never get to see his place and if you do, you not only become a friend to the wife and those gorgeous kids (usually they are all too daft to decrypt)  but also the listening ear to the woes and good moments he has with the legitimate partaker of his belongings.  Unless you are using him as an ATM or a means to an end, honey, the code is clear. He’s NOT leaving them for you! To nurse your already bruised ego, you also have a right to cuddly related activities while you watch The News; a man’s sluggish talk when he’s falling asleep (Gosh, it’s really sexy), waking up next to him customarily with a morning kiss. Your man!

'Cole, he's married'. 'Since when did that become a problem?' I asked. Well, this line of thinking on my end has kind of changed. Jo-C candidly opined while we were attending the final horse race season that I’m growing old hence the reason the dates I’ve been gracing lately tend to bring about this breed of men. 
His wife calls him at 3 in the morning asking his whereabouts and in similar fashion of his counterparts, he effortlessly supplies 'I'm with the boys' in response. We are in the fourth club all in the name of marrying the night and I'm still not letting my guard down as expected. Men can be so fickle at times. There are some bitches who just don't get laid that easy! 

I wanted to get more graphic on this but since we are a family blog, I'll just ask: Is the sex mechanical? I hear one has to picture himself having a moment of sin with that youthful nagging member who gets into his nerves for a successful performance back at home. Not that I'm judging but have you read the current local grapevine on a public figure who is on the brink of a failed second marriage? All indicators apparently allege he's queer as they come. Married zega guys have been reduced to being careful. It's a pity to the women who strive to keep it together in all these, chances are that if they already know they'll stick by you because of among other things the kids. It's tough being gay and married all because you had to man up and please a society that in all honesty has no input in how you live your silly life!

Would you date a married man? If you already find yourself in peculiar circumstances of sharing him, are you happy? Well, it’s all about what one wants, besides it’s a competitive world out here! 

I don't know or even care about your situation but holding all other factors constant, my man's got to wake up right next to me the following morning (not those that leave you high and dry because they have to go to a bed I'm sure they are not even comfortable in!) #Realtalk!

Regards,

Mutahi. 

P.S: Next time we meet I'll share with you something I learnt over the weekend about the duration a man dances in a club and how it compares to his 'performance'. Yes. I learn a lot of disturbing things from you every other day. That notwithstanding, I'll see you in a fortnight. Next week you'll be in the capable hands of a guest you'll definitely love to hate.