A Warty Discourse: My Fight with HPV

I didn’t believe that after sleeping with just one guy (my first boyfriend by the way & the person I lost my virginity to), I’d gotten an STI. Let alone that it’s not a simple STI it’s fucking viral! My pals had done it with more than ten guys and they were clean. Really! Second came the anger stage. My man whore of a boyfriend had given me warts. Even if he was going to cheat, he would have at least had the decency to wrap it or stick it in a non-communal pussy. Men! (Rolls eyes)…

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Prologue

Rita: Cole, the first time I read your work was via a friend who'd shared your blog on the gay society in Kenya. Let me just put this out there, As much as I’m straight (Cole’s right eyebrow is raised), Yes I love dick like you...I was blown away. Just by how you introduced yourself to your readers through your profile. I admire your strength and courage. One thing I’ve learnt from you is how a woman should be treated. You make no exceptions on how a man should treat you. I have learnt more from you than from my girlfriends, many magazines and books on how to date. I salute you for that. (Smirks)

 

Cole: (Feigning nonchalance) Aww Stop it already! Just say it. I know you want something from me. 

Rita: You are very poor at taking compliments, anyone told you that before? (Cole sighs). Fine. I just wanted to find out how far did you go with that sex with the lights on thing?

Cole: Two things, thanks for your candid sentiments, aren’t you a kind soul! I’m indeed honored. A man ought to be fashioned into what you desire them to be you know. Now about that sex with the lights on thing; I failed miserably, not that I’ve been shagging anyway, but I’ve since discovered when you have at least two vanilla scented candles in the bedroom, they are the perfect disguise. Homies be thinking you are romantic…

Rita: (Giggles) That AIDS blog post by Charles though. It was a big eye opener. We the youth only follow the thrill of the moment without thinking about the consequences. 

Cole: Rita, I’m curious to know where this is leading to…

Rita: …it’s funny how as a woman, our biggest problem is getting pregnant. Well, that’s not it. The STIs are real. My ex gave me HPV. Worst thing was I never loved or cared about him I was in it just for the fuck. I’m not sure if it’s fate but people should really be educated on STIs. We take it too lightly. I never even knew such a disease existed. I…

Cole: …Back up. HP what?

Rita: HPV. (Cole sighs) See, the only thing I bothered checking for was HIV. At least it’s not AIDS. I’m advised that it will suppress with time but the hardest thing I have ever had to do is close my legs when there’s an awesome dick ready and willing to fill the void within. Excuse my tongue. Worst thing is I can’t shag the one person I honestly love.

Cole: Er…your tongue is doing great so far. You are immune from judgment here. I’ve just heard that word from you for the first time. Maybe you should talk about it on C.D.R, no?

Rita: I think I’ll take you up on that offer but that requires big balls which I do not yet have, but I will.

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You never know how strong you are until you’re faced with a problem that pushes you to your limits and forces you to become someone you never thought you could be. You become your own superhero. Your own savior. I learnt all that last year; when I was diagnosed with genital warts. That same day I went through the five stages of grief:

Denial > Anger > Bargaining > Depression (& finally) > Acceptance.

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…third was the bargaining phase. At least I wasn’t pregnant or worse of had AIDS. Well about that, see I wasn’t quite sure so the next stop was the VCT and it came clean, Yay! Plus the doctor said my immune system would fight it off with time. All I had to do was keep a healthy lifestyle.

The fourth step was the hardest. Depression. This is when everything really sank in. I have an STI. Not the kind that goes away after two weeks of medication. All this was just too draconian for me to handle. I broke down and cried. I cried for three hours straight till I ran out of both breath and tears. I hated myself for trusting my ex wholly and worse of I’d put someone I really love at risk. Tired of all the voices ringing, I called my friend who made me realize that it wasn’t the end. Calling my ex, bitching and calling him all the foul names wouldn’t help. I needed to face reality. I had warts so what next?? I needed to find out everything I could on it to know my way forward. I take this moment to thank Google; educating Africa since 2000, you taught me more than my science and biology teachers combined. I got online and found out all I could on warts. That’s when the final stage of grief kicked in: acceptance.

Warts are caused by the human papillomavirus (HPV) which also causes cancer but a different strain of the virus. You can be reading this and not know that you have HPV. Most people never know they have because their immune system beats it off with time or they never show signs and symptoms. I’m pretty sure my ex has no clue he has it. If you were looking for another reason to use a condom, this is one. Condoms reduce the chances of being infected with the virus. The keyword here is REDUCES! Not clears. 

HPV is mostly known to cause cervical cancer in women. Warts have no symptoms unless the pimples appear. That’s how I found out I have warts. I thought it was because of a reaction to some new shaving cream I had just tried but it persisted for two months. Once I got on the medication, the pimples went away. That however doesn’t mean I do not have the disease. It’s so there!

How it all started

Why is it that every time we go to be tested for HIV we are so worried and doubt ourselves? I remember my first test. It was during my first year in campus. I did not only smell freedom but could also grasp it in my hand. Yay! I was so elated. No more running home because my curfew had reached; I could go for sleepovers at my girlfriends’ place and even my boyfriend (whom I had never had before) heck, I could even move in with him if I wanted to! I was finally free to fly. No more hiding under my parents’ wings. I had also just ‘ponyokad’ (won a lottery) with a boyfriend. A mighty fine one for that matter. He was the hottest guy in class. He had an athletic body, killer smile and a nice personality. Next on my checklist was if he was well endowed down there. I am glad to say I was not disappointed. Now don’t dare look at me like that. As much as I was then a virgin I’d done my homework on these things. I’d heard numerous stories from friends on how excruciating it is to have a man who is deficient in that sector. I didn’t want my first time to be like my gynecologist inserting a stick inside to check if everything is okay. He was a ten over ten for me and for a first boyfriend, I’d really hit the jackpot! When he asked me to be his girlfriend I couldn’t believe it. I was so blissful.

As much as I wanted to lose my virginity, I wasn’t taking any chances. I wooed boyfie to go to the VCT for couples testing. Doesn’t it feel so nice being called a couple? Good times bitches. That moment before we got the results, I had never doubted myself like that. I wasn’t the only one. Dude looked like he was about to piss on his pants. We were both negative. Can I get an AMEN! That meant sex without a condom. That was until I had my first pregnancy scare which happened after several times of doing it raw. Periods were two weeks late. I had my finals to read for and me pregnant in my first semester in campus! That wasn’t my plan of things. I was devastated. We’d both talked about it and we had said we couldn’t keep it. I mean we were kids. How do kids raise another kid? I bought the pregnancy kit which by the way I was shocked to find actually exists in Kenya. In my mind I knew it only exists in the US and Europe. Back to the story, so I go to the lavatories to pee on the stick. (I won’t lie; a part of me was psyched to pee on a stick – the equipment that is, not what you’re thinking!) and I find a red spot on my underwear. Jumping the disgusting part, my periods were here! Yay! First person I tell is boyfriend. You can imagine he’s as relieved as I am. After that we decided to put a break on sex till the next semester which was a month away.

Once raw, never coming back

You’d envisage after the pregnancy scare we would learn and wrap it. Nope. The first time we meet after the Christmas break we did it raw again. Truth is once you go raw you never come back. Our wonderful relationship came to an abrupt halt when I found out he cheated on me with some girl ‘Malaya wa esto’ (The hood’s resident whore) as he called her. He said she forced herself on him and he had no other choice but to succumb. That’s the dim-witted lie ever! Like she dropped his pants, took his dick made it hard and forced it inside her with him lying helplessly! The nerve! So, I ended things plus I was getting bored of him anyway and I’d already had my goodbye sex so I was good to go. 

Fast forward to six months later, I get this weird rash in my groin area. At first, I thought it was an allergic reaction due to some new shaving cream I was using. I didn’t even really bother with it and with time it went away. The rash came again, now it was more like three pimples clustered together. I asked my friends and they all assure me it’s just a rash that will go away with time. I even googled it and it corroborated what they were all saying. In my mind, I rule out STIs and get treatment for a fungal infection. The medicine works for a while and I could see the pimples reducing and even go away. By now, I had a new guy. This one I loved and really cared about. We’d been friends for the past five years and for once circumstances had worked in our favor. I could finally have him. So we did it. This time round I wasn’t taking risks. I used a condom. We both insisted. It felt magical not like the ex. I actually cared about him and loved him and it was a two way thing. I couldn’t have been any happier. The pimples come back… and with a serious bang!  I had two three-cluster pimples around my genital area. Now I start to freak because a fungal infection doesn’t stay for that long. I decide to see a gynecologist; she took one look at me and knew what was wrong with me. She didn’t even sugarcoat it. I had warts. Genital warts. She explained to me that it was a very common STI and that most people have it within their lifetime. I’m like then why am I hearing about it for the first time today? Shouldn’t it be known like HIV/AIDS? 

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. Since it’s a virus, there was no medicine I could take to cure it only an ointment to apply so as to make the pimples go away and eat healthy. I felt like I’d just been told I have HIV. I got the prescription and left the hospital. I needed to find a place without people and clear my head. I got a nice place under the shade and just cried. I cried my heart out. The thing that pained me the most was that I might have passed it on to my beloved. I hated myself for that. We both would pay for my ex’s sins. It wasn’t fair on him. I spent like four hours convincing myself that it’s not my fault or my ex’s and it was just fate. I called a friend who talked to me and made me realize that there is still hope for me. It wasn’t the end of the world. All I had to do was quit smoking, reduce my alcohol intake and eat healthy and my immune system would beat it. I never told my ex about it except that one friend who helped me out. I didn’t have the courage or rather I still don’t have the courage to tell my beloved the truth. What if he hates me? I can’t live with that. My first true love and I put him in jeopardy. Dear world, why do you hate me so much? I had to end things even before they started. I let my beloved go. Maybe when I heal, we might work.

One thing I can tell people out there if you love your vagina as much as I love mine, don’t let any virus prone, healthy looking dick into your pussy (or boy hole to the zega guys). It’s not as magnificent as it looks. You might be sticking it into a hole carrying diseases that were thought to be extinct after World War I. Worst thing about HPV there is no clear way to tell if a person has it if they don’t have showing symptoms. Don’t let ignorance cripple you as it did to me.

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Cole: (Shaking his head) Chic! With all this pulchritude, you mean you’ve gone through all that shit? It’s tragic we both love d!ck, otherwise, I would…

Rita: (Smiling) Would you believe the look on my face when I read your last post and there was a section in reference to me! Major major drama, Ngai Fafa! (A local chant to show a bolt from the blue)

Cole: Well, it’s my blog (smiles)…And to make it even better, you are the first lady, a straight one for that matter to grace C.D.R.

Rita: I’m honored to have finally talked about it. I’m at awe actually... never thought having an STI would get me recognized in a good way. 

Cole: That’s the way to go. Your experience and this whole talk on warts has really got me thinking about three years ago when I had to undergo a procedure…wait a minute; the pronunciation is a tad of a ceremony: hemorrhoidectomy.

Rita: Oh No. How did that come about?

Continues this Thursday 16^th January, 2014…

This Thursday on C.D.R:

Do you know the next day I was in an operating table my legs up in the air?

Too bad he’s still getting banged and says he normally gives a sideway blowjob…

…instead of sucking directly from the straw’s tip, tilt your head a bit and let your mouth be on the straw’s sides.

…Did your dick just have an ego trip? 

…keep your junk in your trunk no matter how much it begs to come out and play, some playgrounds just aren’t worth it.

If you are a gay or bisexual man, you are 17 times more likely to develop anal cancer as a result of HPV than heterosexual men.

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Rita Muriu is a 3^rd Year Economics Student at a local university. As a major C.D.R fan and as a recovering individual, she opines she has opted to use the forum to reach out to anyone who may be going through HPV.