Previously on T.S.R©
…come to think of it I have only
dated the one guy I met online for 3 months in the first year I got on to
social media so in essence my idea of a date is what I read in books and watch
in movies …why continue living as someone’s secret when you can be making it in
someone else’s major headlines? …I
don’t subscribe to that primeval notion that when you swallow a man’s cream he
will treasure you for eternity …I'm sexy and I know it! Nah, you're
slutty and you blow it bitch! …I
quickly lied I had no condom with me when he asked for one so as to assert no
pumping was going to take place …JK has probably never brought a girl (or boy) in
this room
I
recently read that if a guy cums on your face, it's his way of telling you that
you aren’t his boyfriend material, Hello! Sasha in quick
rejoinder affirmed: ‘There is no fronting nowadays, get sprayed! Besides, cum is
dermatologically proven to smoothen skin!’ Morgan threw his weight behind the whole discussion and argued:
‘When cum is already in your mouth, do
him the honor and swallow it!’ Hmm…when was
this memo dated again? Maybe it’s time to fire my moderators!
This
morning on my way to the bus stop I was nibbling a piece of chocolate I just
found on my kitchen shelf…
Behind The Scenes
So, I have finished
drafting my 2013 obligations. Normally I make my objectives in February when all
of you have flushed yours down the drain. Last year I achieved most all
the things I’d scribbled to do. Having recently finished some assignment and
geared to take up a more competitive role, I’m worn-out and could really use
some sabbatical of sorts however ephemeral it may be though I’m sure I won’t. I’d
have used the breakout to do some deep soul searching. Of course with my
newfound love of photography and bowling every Sunday mid-morning, I think I
got this. Notably I want to put my foot forward in the murky water of relationshits
love just for the experience now that it’s public knowledge I’m dumb in the
dating scene. Methinks everyone merits those prolonged phone calls and cute
texts I see some of you giggle at in matatus
from some bloke whose judgment is totally impaired when they think of you. Then
there’s school which I’ll enroll in next month (I’ve technically saved
for it), encourage virgin minds with a fertile bias for literary works some
more. I do what I do on T.S.R for fun. The day I stop having fun I’ll just walk
away to new interests.
*****
…
I realize it’s the same chocolate JK gave me the other day when we met at the
ice cream bar. ◄◄ REWIND◄◄
The
birds are chirping outside as some light penetrates enters through the
massive window in his room. He’s holding me too tight. He’s been doing this the
whole night. I summon up the events that led to this. Him getting me a towel to
take a bath, joining me in the expansive shower room while trying to hide his
nudity (rolls eyes), helps me clean my hair and my back. The hot water bites my
skin as it flows right through the crack of my ass donk down to the turquoise tiled floor. The shower gel oozes some
fine aroma that wafts through my nostrils. I love this feeling. I feel fresh,
different even. I turn to face him. His eyes are bloodshot. He maintains a
steady eye contact carefully weighing my intentions. I give him a soft peck on
his lips. It almost throws him off balance and his breathing has all of a
sudden altered. He holds me steady and regards me warily until I feel a poke of
something hard and wet right above my belly button. Oh No!
The
lampshade next to my bed is on. I am seated in bed my head resting on the wall.
My hair is still wet and he has suggested that one shouldn’t dry their hair
with a towel so I allow it to dry naturally. I think it’s just his way of
keeping me awake. He walks back into the room in blue boxers. He definitely has
a lighter skin tone, still growing but definitely has meat in the right places.
When he approaches the light, I notice he spots a mark somewhere on his left
rib cage. He takes my left hand and starts making some circles on my wrist. ‘I love these, they make you mysterious but
kinda cool’, he says in reference to my small body art. He initiates a
kiss. I put both my left fore and index fingers on his sternum and gently push
him away.
‘Good Morning, why are you awake
this early beautiful?’ He interrupts my reverie. My
senses are instantly alert. I need to go home. I look at my phone. 5 missed
calls from the senior of the Mutahi brothers (I thought I told him I won’t be
back until morning) and two text messages. One from Eric the cab guy wishing me
a festive season and the other one from my Ex. Fuck!
The Walk of Shame,
Yikes!
I
almost jump out of bed. JK releases me swiftly and is also up in the same
frequency. As I scurry about the room I think I notice a bulge at the apex of
his loins. Probably the normal male morning erection, I have to leave this
place. What will people think when they see me? What will –now what was his
name again? – Jo, the watchman think? JK is so relaxed arms crossed and is
grinning at my performance. ‘They are on
my brother’s bed.’ He finally talks. I feel silly not knowing where he had
kept the clothes. Just then my phone rings. ‘Buenos
Dias El Hermano!’ I pompously respond. If you have ever had a fling or just
a sleepover and ended up sleeping in a guy’s bed; you have probably had to face
the difficult thing we always do the morning after when you have to leave: the
walk of shame.
I
find my way downstairs. He’s at the kitchen that connects to the dining room. ‘Just wait!’ he commands as he hurriedly
joins me in the dining room, gives me a soft peck on my lip and pulls a chair. Who does that! He’s beaming which
surprises me. Shouldn’t a guy be somewhat chasing you away if you didn’t give
him some the night before or at sunrise? But then no one had a condom so that
kinda neutralizes everything. ‘Can I keep
this?’ I display the new toothbrush he gave me just after I’d confirmed to
my brother that I’m okay. He nods his head in approval. Isn’t this guy just so
sweet? He retires back to the kitchen as I reach for the current edition of
some conspicuously placed People Magazine. He places some hot water and milk
before me and some nicely done cupcakes. I ask him to serve me coffee. He
treats himself to some mug of Horlicks. Carrie Underwood is warbling ‘Before He Cheats’ and is later followed
by The Script’s ‘Science and Faith’ I
notice he increases the volume when Jill Scott hums ‘a long Walk’ Ooh! (Patting the right side of my chest)
After breakfast I help him clear the table.
While at the kitchen he offers to formally give me a tour of the mansion. I
make a mental note of how the sink is pretty messy. Intuitively he says that
he’ll have to get back once he sees me off and do some cleaning. This African
boy is well bred! We start with the full pantry just adjacent to the huge kitchen;
we then head upstairs bypassing his folk’s room. The room we passed last
evening to the balcony is his sister’s. We come back down after I’ve picked my
watch, phone and dressed up. I sprinkle some of his cologne on me to smell
fresh. He notes my concern and draws close, tips my chin upwards to face him, ‘I’ll be with you in that walk of shame you
are too apprehensive of.’ I turn as he leads the way down stairs; we pass a
sedentary area opposite his folk’s bedroom I hadn’t noticed earlier. I see a
guitar on one of the stools. Hmm…then the best place in this house: A mini bar!
I’m so impressed. He asks me to sit on one of the high stools ‘I’ll have some Cosmo’, I teasingly say.
‘We have none of that sir’ he
willingly joins me in this game. ‘Okay
some chilled mojito then, lots of lemon please and a teaspoonful of honey!’ I
implore him as I giggle. He stands right in front of me. I belatedly notice
that we are the same height when I’m seated. His eyes redden. Oh No, he’s horny…again!
The
ferocious dogs are very composed after being warned to be nice. I get to see the
rest of the compound surrounding the mansion including a solitary gazebo with
white furniture. ‘I initially wanted the
dinner to be here but with the rain and cold, my hands were tied.’ He
explains. Jo finally shows up. He wasn’t at the gate and having locked it from
outside, I couldn’t leave earlier. It’s time for the walk of shame.
While
reading Robert Greene’s 24 Laws of
Seduction, I came across something profound that he equally cited in his
book. For my purposes I’ll just give an excerpt:
…Indeed, one’s
attachment to a man depends largely on the elegance of his leave-taking. When
he jumps out of bed, scurries about the room, tightly fastens his trouser sash,
rolls up the sleeves of his court cloak…stuffs his belongings into the breast
of his robe and then briskly secures the outer sash-one really begins to hate
him. – The Pillow Book of SEI SHONAGON.
I feel I’m finally at
a stage I’m eyeing more. Kind of reminds me of when I made out with a friend
we’d been platonic for over a year. I grew distant as well. He’d been through
shitstorm with a number of zega guys. Fine, now he’s all about NSA but today we
are more productive at the friend level. He’ll make quite a keeper someday. In
2013, I can no longer afford to be a cum bucket for men who are not going to
commit to me. Just like a business venture on the brink of liquidation, it’s no
longer a viable gamble for me. In Date No.1 I
undoubtedly liked the guy, enough to realize that I wanted him to hang around my
world a little longer but too fucked up only to mess the moment. This
explains why I got lots of respect for people who love being pursued. It buys them
time for a guy to appreciate the good aspects in them. Well, dinner was great
etc. but one should never feel like they are obligated to recompense. You do know that the big d!ck guy everyone
seems to talk about just because he screws the whole town good does get lonely?
In the same breath: The usual town hoes are
getting hitched to some cultured
gentlemen while our good church-going boys are getting deflowered by men they
would bribe God for no one to find out.
While David* (The crush mentioned on
Tuesday) and his cronies keep sending all these beautiful texts occasionally, I
find myself giggling most of the time. Don’t you just hate when people text you
hours later, trying to continue a conversation? Bitch, the feeling is gone! It’s ridiculous and a waste of time. Why would
I put my life on hold for a guy who’s probably jerking off elsewhere? I hate to
see pretty boys beat themselves when a bloke they have a romantic interest in
isn’t forthcoming and end up changing some of their values and drinking
themselves into oblivion just because a bunch of bitches who ain’t getting laid
are misadvising him! (Remember Neville’s special groups?) Always address your
mind to the maxim: If a man's
being shady with you cut him loose! A true diva is too busy walking on sunshine
to chase a man in the shade!
Over the holidays I
was reading Sherry Argov’s ‘Why Men Love
Bitches’, In P.107 she profoundly observes:
…the second you
work overtime to make yourself fit his criteria, you have lowered your standard
of that relationship.
So
I’ve finally agreed to the idea of meeting the Ex one of these days for a
conversation. Izaak’s having none of it because he detests him with passion and
regrets having rekindled conversation between them. It’s 2013. A year I will be
asking myself questions before making any commitment be it financially,
socially or otherwise. I quote an online resource I went through recently: Can
you see yourself marrying him or being with him forever? No.
If not, why bother? Maybe you are just looking for a good lay; he’s not your
stunt penis that can just slip in for the action scenes.
Izaak
may be right. You can’t have meaningless sex with an ex — there are feelings
there. So, maybe I’ll go find me a new boy toy. But then JK in Date 2
is definitely not a toy. He’s young, focused, has strong manners, TALL even but
intimidates me in little ways. Shortly after the dinner under the stars
moon date, I decided to treat him to pizza (an offer he never turned down).
While walking me to my stage, he asked me ‘Cole,
where do we stand?’ Luckily we were passing Asile (the shop opposite the
Supreme Court where they sell pleasant bags) ‘Do you have your credit card with you?’ I asked him and he was elated
at the joke but deep down I’m sure he knew I’m being dodgy!
It’s
now public knowledge that I’m not an authority in dating but I think it also means
one opening themselves to options and experiences before you really zero into
that one person, No? It’s not like I’m looking for a Chanel rock here…
Way Forward…
It’s going to be an intriguing
journey and I’ll keep you posted as much. Some adage I may have to force into
my seemingly thick skull is not to force friendships. Get into this for the
experience and know people with no agenda. The right ones always stick.
The
pretty boys’ code is clear: Never expect to be treated like number one if
you're playing the role of number two. I pause here and ponder why many of us
are governed by the fear of losing a man. The real price to pay is when you
lose yourself.
I’m all about getting
rich. Money is definitely relative so look at it in terms of strong values and
a strong character as some guy told me months back. You want to cum on my face? Nah! I already
have a spirited skin routine before bed time!
Thank you TSRIAN© for
your time!
Cole x
The Situation Room (T.S.R)
By Cole Mutahi 2013©
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