Queerdom can be one confusing maze!

(Also published in Identity Kenya Magazine's April 2012 issue under the title Dating Diary of a Diva)

He sent a text message this morning. It’s just a day after our one night stand. I’m sure he’s just being a gentleman because I told him I’m okay with the whole idea of not seeing him again. It happens a lot in the queer scene you know. I was too easy for a first date and even Hurdy once opined that my profile just doesn’t fit one nighties! The pretty boys’ code clearly outlines that such men will never be your significant other.

My two consistent friends in the scene happen to be a 7 or 8 month old couple who have been keenly following my dating patterns with men such that every other weekend my trysts are not hidden to them. I think I love it. It really has some good sort of big brother effect on me. Clearly they want me to get a ‘husband’ though that’s a word I reluctantly subscribe to. What? All that talking you thought I’m just this spoilt bitch who doesn’t relate with stable people! Now you know. The dominant partner in the said relationship has always opined that I need to date an older man who has fetched all this experience and knows how to spoil a pretty boy even beyond that bedroom door (giggle).

Today I feel like I want to start a fight with some schools of thought this whole queerdom thing has brought along with it.

If there is one thing us solo people hate is watching that fine ass couple walking down the street (not yet in our Country but if you hang out late maybe around 2a.m in the CBD you’ll see it) or having that customary beer bottle at your usual watering hole as you try judge the definitely bad karaoke singing or even shopping together at the mall and you haven’t even got to those who live together or this one who is picked in the evening from work! There is this particular queer couple I always run into anytime I’m at The Junction. Reason we hate them? They make us look bad! We don’t actually hate them. Join me and let's say it together: We want to be like them! We just don’t want the baggage that comes with it. Leo and I were having some lengthy phone conversation earlier in the week and one thing I took a mental note of was the fact that everyone will always feel empty at times even if you are an advocate for single hood! An example was this guy who was recently found dead in his place. Maybe if he had someone then it wouldn’t have taken all those days to notice he was long gone. Closing eyes to future d*ck is a sacrifice many a queer men are not going to make anytime soon.

 I’ve also been having misgivings about this whole swag of dating older men despite them being respected for their experience and spoiling a pretty boy as my acquaintances put it. Wait a minute! Am I ready to deal with the occasional tantrums and constant reminder that he had to sit through his PhD while I was still being weaned?  I have also heard my peers say that they want a husband with a checking account and a life in the leafy suburbs. This has also added to the whole confusion in queerdom. I have no qualms about such arrangements but you can never close your eyes to the fact that these guys are very smart, calculated and they got a ‘PHD’ in screwing up with a juvenile mind…they’ve been in this business for a while. They spoil yes, pounce at the opportune time when you decide to be ‘generous’ and then disappear!

Recall recently when I went for a date with a man (note I haven’t called him a boy) who's significantly younger than me? Three years my junior, more experienced, sophisticated? His idea of a romantic date wasn't sneaking into a movie at Sarit after some Hawaiian Pizza and doing it quick in the back row before the manager kicked us out. We went to a real restaurant with cloth napkins on the tables and a Menu that you don’t read on a wall. He maintained eye contact listening to me and I listened to him. He was great eye candy and I was like when is he going to hint where we are going after this? Dick alert! Dick alert! He later dropped me on my doorstep and since we were just the two of us I felt obligated to give him a soft peck on the cheek. I also had to ask him whether he was really gay before he left since he didn’t want to get in saying that he would blemish the evening. Awww! Anyway to cut the long story short he's just a boy. A young boy. He’s got college; he’s got to hang out at Mpaka road with his friends. He’s not my future. I will however put him on the good friends’ zone and here I was thinking romance is dead!

Yes, judge me as much as you can I don’t know what I want in this life but since it’s still my orientation I’m still in a phase where I need to balance things just a little bit more. One thing with being declared a b*tch in an online magazine is that you have to exercise your aggression in this queer life upfront where you can see it. You step on peoples’ shoes, apologize only if you are genuinely sorry but make sure you learn something in the process. I always say all gay men you meet regardless of the losers you meet in the process have some valuable lesson for you to learn. Friends don’t mean much; a better class of enemies works the magic. I long ago realized that if everybody likes you, you're really not even close to maximizing your true Heartless Bitch potential (HBP).

We’ve all been pissed off by one too many immature, disorganized and emotionally spastic guys to take any shit from any sweet-d*ck-BMW-owning-engineer just because we need to satisfy some overactive libidos. The principle is: Put your balls in your pants and USE THEM."

Also Refer:  http://issuu.com/denisnzioka/docs/identity_kenya_magazine_april_2012_issue