A C.D.R Special on World AIDS Day 2013

The greatest challenge of all time that I’ve had to deal with is “stigma”. For the fear of being alienated by my immediate family members, I’ve avoided telling them of my HIV positive status… it has become a bit hard to find someone compatible as a life partner due to my current health state. This is because there is the common notion that anyone who is single and HIV positive must be or was morally loose or cannot be able to satisfy the sexual needs of the other person - something which is not true. In short, I have very few true genuine friends. The only way out of this problem has been to be mum about my condition and that is how have managed to come this far… when you are HIV positive one becomes a ‘loner’. Not because one wants to but circumstances force you to.

To the vulnerable young gay men who are in their early youth hood, those in their late teenage years, Always insist on using a ‘condom’ if you do not know the HIV status of your ‘partner’. Act on the information you have at hand because you have a whole life ahead of you. And to those who are HIV positive like me, please let’s act responsibly by protecting those that we ‘love’ - Charles Baraka. (Excerpts from an Article dated May 2013)

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Prologue

Cole: Before you do your thing, I'd just wish to say your efforts to enlighten our generation are very much appreciated. Yours has been a journey full of its own intrigues but you still manage to keep your head high and tackle life as it comes. I'm awed by that. You are meeting a need as a young man living positively for seven years and just on the strength of that, I do celebrate you Charles Baraka, not only as a friend but also as a force in the community! C.D.R is honored to host you today.

Charles: Aww...Cole. That's so thoughtful and kind of you. Much love and thanks!  What you have you been up to though? We haven’t met since that dinner at your place.

Cole: Oh, the one you gate crashed? Well, you know me. I was cursed with an expensive taste and less money. So last week after I left C.D.R, I had to take one of my friends to the tattoo parlour, moral support and all. Are tats even moral? So the artiste did his thing, shows her the needles to confirm they are new, tests his device etc. But you should have seen her face when the needle met her skin. You know that look when you’re losing your virginity to a well endowed man who’s oblivious of your pain? It was Priceless!

Charles: I don’t know the losing the virginity face…

Cole: (Rolls eyes) This is coming from someone who has had sex in the back of a Prado and has burnt a dildo for spiritual reasons? Come to think of it, you know I’ve never had sex in a car. It just feels…inopportune.

Charles: Shh...on that dildo story; Wait, what? Bitch, you’ve lost out…never been serviced in a car? (Shakes his head in disappointment)

Cole: I’ve made out though. It was in a Vitz at Oil Libya in Westlands…

Charles: (Pulls the seat close) And?

Cole: Look at you. That’s a story for another day.

Charles: (Clicks) Fine. By the way if you had continued, I would have told you about this guy who’s a really great husband material for you.

Cole: Is he 6’3, dark, handsome, rich and smart?

Charles: (Smiling and imitating Cole) That’s a story for another day. What’s the deal with you and tall men anyway?

Cole: There is just an aura a tall man exudes. You imagine someone bending to give you a kiss, being lifted, placed on an office desk or counter somewhere...by the way last evening at the barbershop just when my barber was finishing up, this 6’4 tall tower of water walks in. My eyes were no longer in my control.

Charles: I bet you undressed him in your head…

Cole: Well, not really. I usually profile a guy using his thumb. He never had a thick one. I bet his is just sizable that’s in terms of girth and length.

Charles: (sighing) Thumb?

Cole: Yes. The Thumb theory that states that if you want to get an estimate of the size of a guy’s wee wee, you multiply the size of his thumb by three?

Charles: Dear Lord…Huh? Anyway back to the husband candidate. He saw the picture I shared on the pilau we had at your place and approves. Great cutlery you have by the way.

Cole: Thanks. They are polished every time I feel horny and restless.

Charles: That is so Bree…

Cole: (Grins) Did you say he saw the food first? I’m no longer interested

Charles: Why? Just because I’ve in the past talked about becoming a top’s history after he’s screwed you when you initially played hard to get in my woes of being gay column?

Cole: Yes. I’ll have to politely disagree with you there. The code is clear. As a bottom, I never look at my role as a source of victimhood; sometimes you only need some human warmth to get you through the cold night, that’s where a man comes in

Charles: (Laughing): Cole you are a bitch…

Cole: Not exactly. Nothing boosts myself esteem like seeing these young hardworking boys who sit behind mahogany tables during the day, take part in high level meetings, sip champagne they’ve paid for at the end of the year and at the end of the day they are still proficient enough to roll down rubber down the length of their top’s junks…by the way speaking of rubber what’s your opinion on the looming condom shortage next year?

Charles: I highly doubt there will be any.  NASCOP has already started delivering over 10 million condoms countrywide.

Cole: Wow, you mean we shag that much?

Charles: If you put it that way.

Cole: It kind of reminds me. The other day I was visiting an entirely male prison. They have a splendid health center. So we were told that a number of the inmates are apparently living positive. The most obvious thing I thought of asking the lady nurse is whether they provide them with condoms but then I was like, it’s prison, conjugal rights are nonexistent. What’s your take on this?

Charles: Well, that’s an intriguing area and the Government together with health stakeholders need to have a difficult conversation over because it’s open knowledge guys bang each other in prison. We can’t give them condoms as it will mean we are promoting homosexual practices but measures to protect them ought to be created instead of burying our heads in the sand.

Cole: Sure thing. Not that I would have a problem dropping the soap in a penitentiary’s bathroom. Would you?

Charles: You need repair Cole! I hear there was a great movie yesterday to sensitize society on the virus…Had to sleep early after being up the whole of Saturday night at the bash.

Cole: Oh Yes. Kevin Mamboleo was the starring. He’s such a versatile actor.

Charles: The thespian from Changes?

Cole: Yes. The magic energy drinks can do on a Sunday night when you’ve got work the following day! I was almost passing out at 8.30p.m then I decide to have a glass of Red Bull so as to catch the usual guests on Sunday Prime Time News. So the fine Kevin comes on and does his thing. It was a very nice movie meant to encourage guys to get tested – Knowledge is Power – Then I flip to BET. The guys are flaming hot! I notice it’s Shuga 3: Staying Alive. I sat through it until it ended.

Charles: I can imagine. The good thing is that they were all geared to inform. That is what kills the stigma associated with HIV. Something I’ve been meaning to ask how was the last…sexperience?

Cole: Lord Have Mercy. After we’d both climaxed, he asks me to kneel down. So there I am thinking it’s a post coitus blowjob. He joins me on the carpet and wants us to pray for the sin we’ve just committed… (Phone rings) Oops, saved by the ring, rain check? (Cole excuses himself)

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The first day of December every year has been dedicated to raising awareness of the AIDs pandemic caused by HIV infection. Many activities and lots of money is spent on this particular day in creating campaigns more so encouraging people to know their HIV status. It involves lots of time, planning and budgeting so as to reach large audiences using the available modes of communication such as paid adverts on both print and broadcast media among others. This year’s theme is “Shared responsibility; Strengthening results for an AIDS free generation” geared towards reaching the adolescents who are increasingly becoming infected with HIV. To be precise those that are between the ages of 10 and 19 according to the WHO where a sharp increase in new infection has been noticed. By the end of last month, it is claimed that more than 2 million adolescents were known to be living with HIV. And by the end of last year we had at least 35.3 million people living with HIV globally. At this juncture allow me to pause and ask, “Do you know your HIV status? If you don’t, the question is why?”

What I am deriving from this year’s focal point is that more and more young people are having unprotected sex .Ideally, anyone who is of the above mentioned age bracket ought to be a school going child. Also, he or she should be taken care of by a parent or a guardian. The pertinent question is: where are we getting it wrong in raising our children? Have parents and guardians lost control in “training their children in the way they should go?” or what is not happening. Surprisingly though, adolescents are the most informed in all matters pertaining to what is happening particularly sex since they are still in the process of discovering who they are. It is in this stage of life where most get the definition of their sexuality, build relationships, identify their goals, purpose and pursue after their dreams in earnest. Therefore, we cannot say that our young people are not acquainted on matters to do with HIV and AIDs. I can assure you for a fact they know these things as they learn and discover their body anatomy. As testimony to what am saying, I know of a friend’s 10 year old son who knows all about HIV from the way it is spread, how it is to be avoided and how to handle people that have been affected. These are some of the things they are taught in school here in Kenya under the subject of ‘Social Studies’.

As a teenager growing up somewhere in the Central Part of Kenya, I was so scared of getting HIV. This is because it had been taunted as a very deadly disease (of which it is) and there was so much stigma attached to it. Unlike nowadays where it is no longer seen as a ‘threat’ to be sero positive. Back then in the late nineties and early into the new millennia, it was such a bad thing for you to be known that you had HIV. No one wanted to shake your hand, share utensils with you, seat next to you or even be associated with you. People looked upon you with pity and sympathy as they kept record of the number of days you ought to live. But as time goes by, we have become too “familiar” with HIV and the danger it poses. I am not trying to say that we should treat people that are infected differently, but we have taken HIV to be too casual an illness. It is no longer a risk and no wonder there is an increase in new infections every now and then. We are more concerned about preventing other diseases such as cancer, diabetes and slowly by slowly we are neglecting HIV and hence the reason why we are going back in circles

You would expect by now that we should have fewer infections yearly as it was highlighted in last year’s theme, “Getting to Zero” but apparently that’s not the case. The questions we (you and I) should be asking are why is that so? Who is to blame? What can be done to preserve an HIV/AIDS free generation? One of the major reasons in my opinion why we are not achieving this goal is because of neglected responsibilities. Parents and guardians have neglected their duties of bringing up their children. How so? Parenting has been left to school teachers and nannies at home. Since the parents are too ‘busy’ chasing after ‘money’ and abdicated their obligation of guiding their progeny. Don’t get me wrong, money is important in a world where the economy keeps inflating and there are needs to be met. But what’s the point in having it all and presumably does not benefit the supposed kin. Parents should wear their parental shoes and inculcate proper values in their children at all times. They ought to create and find time to sit, talk and listen to what their young ones have to say or are going through. We all know being a teenager is a tough stage and the hormonal levels in our bodies at this time wreck havoc on us. And there is no better person who can understand a child than a parent. Besides being there for your children, parents ought also to be good models. In a world full of bad influences and examples, parents should set high discipline standards, put proper systems to ensure the well being of their kids and maintain integrity. Your children are a reflection of who you are. They will do as you do not as you say. So by all means, in my opinion those negative habits such as parents drinking themselves silly and come back home to disturb the peace of everyone should be avoided. Others like indiscipline cases should not be tolerated. I realized that children learn by observing through my friends’ kids and own siblings. So whatever you do, be sure they are watching. Seek to know what they are up to even the hard headed ones who are just rebellious for no reason. Keep telling them about the dangers of having unsafe sex and its consequences, engage other people if you must to bring the message home. It is the price you pay for being a parent.

Therefore, the person who bears the blame in fueling the new infections of HIV in my opinion is the parent. This is before pointing fingers at other sources of influence such as the media, technological advancements among others. There is an English saying that “Charity begins at home”. So before you place blame on the television, the internet or other people around you, look at yourself first. How have you brought up your son or daughter? Is it in the right way? As a parent you have influence over the way your child behaves, acts, thinks and even what he she becomes. Look around you, see the good children of someone that you admire, seek to know how they’ve managed to bring them up well and emulate such. This is a call to all guardians and parents to take charge, be the parent you are meant to be. In that way you will preserve an HIV/AIDs free generation.

Besides the parent, it is also a personal responsibility to live responsibly as an adolescent. The problem we have with most of our young people is that they “think they know it all”. Simply because they are smarter than their parents in operating sophisticated gadgets such as mobiles phones, ipads and other tools of communication, they end up misusing them. You may be a “digital generation” kind of a kid but still you need the “analogue generation”. They have been here long before you and they have seen it all. It is important to listen to what they have to say even if they are not your parents and take heed. They are looking after your own interest. Some of the things they tell you may not be ‘sweet’ to the ear but if you read in between the lines, they mean much more than just mere words.

Long before I got to know about my HIV positive status at the age of twenty two in 2006, my pastor who doubled up as my spiritual father used to tell me, “Charles, take care. Out there are dangerous diseases like HIV”. He continued, “My son, please exercise caution because you do not want to be a victim”. But due to my obdurate behavior, I never listened. After having tasted the fruit of anal gay sex (which was sweet, still is) no one could tell me what to do. And so when I had unprotected sex with three different men at different intervals, and the feeling was even sweeter, there was no stopping me.  

Many are the times I’ve wished to turn back the hands of time, but it is rather too late to do that. If only I listened, HIV would not have caught up with me. The major problem with most of us whether young or old, we “always think we are right”. We don’t want to listen to another person’s counsel and in the end we hurt ourselves with our actions.  If you are young and get to read this, I implore you to listen to your elders. It is not an easy affair having to live with HIV and on ARVs. Don’t be cheated that it’s just taking ARVs, there is more to that than it is said!

Finally, if you cannot listen and abstain from sex, at least get one partner and be faithful to each other. Get tested and make sure you are HIV free but do not be oblivious of other sexually transmitted diseases like HPV, Syphilis among others. If you must have sex with multiple partners, then do yourself a favor and have safe sex always. Despite the fact that it is not a guarantee that “it is very safe”, insist on using a condom always to avoid contracting HIV. Don’t forget your life, is your responsibility.

Charles Baraka