Would you 'walk a mile' in a bottom's shoes? : The Conversation Continues...

Last Week on T.S.R

I am a 2 – tier virgin in the sense that pussy is off limits. Never seen it, never touched it…

I’m all about being a respectable pretty boy in the streets, a chef in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom but I’ll admit I am no power bottom.

Tops need stop treating encounters with bottoms as some form of speed dating and then getting annoyed when it’s revealed that the bottom getting coffee was, in fact, actually getting coffee rather than cruising for some shitstorm…

The trick is not how much pain you feel but how much joy you feel. Any idiot can feel pain. Life is full of excuses to feel pain, excuses not to live, excuses, excuses, excuses.

…The law of the land dictates the man who does the fucking calls the shot. I will never bottom for a dude because then he makes you his bitch.

A Bottom has got to learn how to open his mouth for more than just giving head.

…I don’t care if they are angry or frustrated because someone (us) changed the rules while they weren’t looking and forgot to send them a goddamned memo. Get used to it, guys. Or get a pussy cat!

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‘I think the biggest error is to try to raise bottoms or tops. The role identification is mirroring the current views of women towards men. Are we trying to emulate the straight society? I can speak by experience. I’ve always been a top since I was raped and had the aforesaid image. Suddenly some gem has taught me that love and sex can be either way satisfying far from prejudices.’ – The Late Stephane d’ Benito (Author of Grey, Grim and Smokey and moderator on T.S.R)

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Behind The Scenes

Yesterday, I made my pancakes and tea milk free. (Oh and while at it I confirmed the best way to enjoy pancakes is to create a hole in the middle of about three to five layered pancakes using a knife then pour some Marple syrup in that hole. (I know this sounds wrong) It evenly smears between the cakes making it orgasmic when it finally lands in your mouth - An angel peeing on your tongue feeling is still there) See, I’ve been indisposed these past few days but glad I’m recuperating well. Today is the final of my 3-day milk ban due to medication. My friend David opines it’s total BS but I've since persuaded him that this is an instruction I never back down from because it reminds me of my healing days after circumcision a decade ago. There was just plenty of ice cream and milk lying around still I survived without them for a week but gosh! Those sleepless throbbing nights when it's healing, Yikes! I'm just glad I wasn’t sexually active then. Dave further says that when you are circumcised after 9 years, your D tends to be longer than when it's done when you are much younger, Huh?? Well I'm glad mine was done later then. *Drops Mic*

In other News, I’m taking a timeout from active blogging for the next 3 months. I'm up to my lips in stuff at the moment and ranting about my silly life in blogosphere . However I will be open to share any guest entries if any or even make an impromptu appearance to address something. Speaking of something. I'm toying with the idea of either a second version of the Q & A article when we get to 18K readership, No? or analyzing some few dates (remember 2013 I said was a year of getting rich and hitched? Dating is not only tough but also full of intrigues) Well, the former is more ideal as it opens an avenue to demystify oneself and it's your only moment to pull me aside (Twitter DM, My Facebook Page or even E-Mail) and surreptitiously ask me anything directly (however naughty or personal). I’ll thereafter publish all my responses to your questions and yes, I will protect your name for whatever it is worth. Donge?

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In 2011 I ventured out on a mission to ask some tops gentlemen questions:

1  .    What do you look for in your Bottom?

2  .    Do you find him as a lesser being or treat him as an equal?  

3 . What are your perspectives on the thin line between gay roles and overall masculinity and femininity?

4  .    Would you bottom for your partner?

The immediate latter was a question that stood out in my quest and was to address the tops that have gone on record saying that they’ll never bottom for anyone. I will address this towards the end of this article.The rest are equally well considered but due to constraints of time I largely iterated the same.

“I think people should choose their partners honestly and not just think between the sheets. He might be the best bottom on earth in the bedroom but on the streets you walk steps behind him because you think he’s too fem to be seen with. That’s not fair to either party. If you can’t be seen in public together then let it go.” – Calvin.

Paul Humble says, ‘I personally view my bottom as my equal and at no time will I look at him as a lesser partner. I don’t expect him to be feminine; indeed I appreciate a manly looking bottom. Queens are just off limits for me. If I were looking for a woman, I wouldn’t be gay right? It’s that x factor in a man that attracts me to him. However I still have a weakness, my bottom has no option but respect me just like I respect him. I apply the ‘no two bulls can leave in the same court’ rule!’

My brother Eric Gitari largely and candidly dissents with the subject but nevertheless gives his sentiments. ‘Two things Cole, the whole top, bottom, versatile BS is sexist, patriarchal and stinks of heterosexism and as queers who have defied every social and sexual norm, gender stereotypes should cease especially in the very cradle of homosexuality – the bedroom. 

He further proceeds and widens my wit. ‘There is sexual identity and sexual preference. These two must be isolated and appreciated in their complexities and simplicities. Very few queers are self evolved to appreciate such critique. Two, Would I go down for my partner? Hmm…as much as I prefer to do the penetration, should I be at risk of losing him or need to salvage the ship or make him happier? I would consider it BUT I AVOID this consideration way ahead by dating someone we are sexually compatible with – someone who prefers to be dicked, Can I get back to you on this later in the interview?’

Raymond said, ‘We’ve been through this before. Bottoming or Topping doesn’t mean one is superior to the other. They are just roles each acquires to retain compatibility.’

When I got Calvin (the one guy I friend zoned) to comment on this, he willingly schooled me just like Eric but got quite graphic while at it. ‘Well, I think too much emphasis is put on attaching gender roles to sexual preferences – Bottom is ‘woman’, Top is the ‘man’. This is a terrible stereotype within queerdom that is good fodder for heterosexuals to perpetuate their usual homophobic stereotype. Gay men I guess probably feel the need to confirm when being gay in itself is being non conformist. After all, straight men are being Nyeri-rized by their women yet they are supposed to be the dominant ones.’

Balancing Act

‘Whether you are top or bottom one should always play on their strengths. People have different strengths in different things at different times and managing that balance is partnership. I think naturally in coupling, one person will come out as a natural leader in whatever capacity but that doesn’t mean that the other person should assume the housework. That’s just whack!’ He emphasizes.

When I ask him about the aspect of roles and masculinity he conclusively responds, ‘I think my guy should just be himself in public or private. When I say that, I mean that if I have accepted him (butch of fem or all the variants in between) then I should just let him be. I may want him to accommodate my wishes e.g. be a little less camp in public, fine it may be but that really won’t last and eventually resentment creeps up.

Would you go down for your bottom?

Ray succinctly summarizes his thoughts by getting all philosophical. ‘I would not exactly. Simple law of nature needs each person to find comfort in what they do hence an opposite must always be there to maintain equilibrium.’ He states.

‘Cole I’d say I’m a top and I really enjoy it. But I’d like to think I would bottom for the right guy ideally in the confines of a very committed relationship as long as he’s hot (sighs), there’s absolute respect and trust too – during the deed and after the deed. I think penetrative sex (whatever the sexuality) is so full of surprises and technical hitches. I wouldn’t attempt it with just anyone.’ Calvin jovially answers my question.

‘I thought real hard and long – yes hard and long about your query on sexual preferences earlier. If a man cannot consider going down for another – operating word here being consider – then that man is a closeted small minded fag!’ Eric concludes.

They say it ain’t over ‘til the fat lady sings. I must admit, I acquiesced with most (if not all) of the averments herein. I think the zega society is evolving. We’ve are already too defensive when battling with the straight folk and inasmuch as the top/bottom debate is a pregnant point of conversation, methinks it needs to be rewritten. We can’t be further divided as a community just because of the dick goes where or better yet who’s in charge here stereotype.

Chaje in his note here says ‘I find the whole Top, Bottom, Versatile tagging just a big hullabaloo and downright annoying.  Labels only fuel prejudice. The bottom is most often than not dismissed, seen as the lesser, weaker one.  The Top on the other hand is seen as the macho one, supposedly the provider, stronger one even.  These roles become a prerequisite to interaction with other gay folk so that if one happens to subscribe to the same role as the other person, then there is no point of attempting to form any kind of connection.’

My opinions rest here.

May you live in interesting times Tsrians, Kisses!

Cole Mutahi.

The Situation Room (T.S.R) by Cole Mutahi 2013©