Balanced dating opinions, Caprice, sperm towels?

By Cole Mutahi

You people do you remember that couple I told you I usually run into at the mall? Guess what? I ran into them today again. I know a gay mind always has a clouded judgment anytime the sight of two guys in a manner likely to suggest they are ‘couplish’ comes into play, but what would you think if you saw two definitely hot guys and one carrying two face towels…Oops they are called sperm cum towels in the words of my friend Sage.

The weekend has had its fair share of drama and it’s barely 6 on a Saturday evening. I know I have some dinner coming up shortly but then I pause here and ask: What the hell is wrong with me?

The better part of the morning was spent cat napping, reviewing the last two articles for this month by two great guests, watching some series called: ‘Why am I still single?’ and having a bite at the goat eating revelry my neighbour downstairs has been having the whole afternoon just on my way out for a coffee date. I just love my sleep on weekends especially when I’ve shut off everyone from it including would-be boyfriends and/or bed buddies.

What a strategic waste of hotness...

So here I was at the mall -again- having my usual large mug of cappuccino (Geta, my Addis ‘sister’ already has an opinion on this, make sure you read his article on Friday) as I wait for this blind date I feel obligated to attend(pretty boys always have some accurate intuition).4 P.M was the agreed time. I made sure I looked simple and at home since I was just in the hood. I have one rule when it comes to dating. After 10-15 minutes of unexplained delay I definitely swallow the hard pill I’ve been stood up hence my mind shuts off completely. So now I’m juggling between this Eric Van Lustbader novel and my beverage. He finally shows up. Tall, not dark but undeniably handsome. He declines to order for anything and advises the visibly fetching waiter that he’s just on his way out. Hmm…back to that series I was watching in the morning. The guy is certainly not excited (well, that makes the two of us), a student by profession as they come, believes he can’t waste money having anything in a coffee house though says he’s hungry (Honey, I definitely waste money on my fine self) and juggles between making calls to friends who are obviously too busy. I only make one call. ‘Hector, I’m done here please come pick me I go back home!’

To cut the long story short, this was my shortest date in history (a record 30 minutes with 10 minutes conversation that felt like some sort of interview) and definitely it’s going to be the first one since I want to start this circular dating thing again to have a balanced opinion in men since I’ve been advised I’m losing focus by some fellow bi*ch whose opinions I really should stop listening to. You won’t believe Jo-C had already sent me one of those brief be careful texts. This was definitely a warning.

Now Hector was taking ages thanks to the unusual-for-a-Saturday- Ngong Road traffic but thank God I’d already seen him off. (Isn’t it interesting how you feel relieved to see off people you just didn’t connect?)

You people know what Cole Mutahi does best when he’s thrown off balance and has that emergency cash the pretty boys’ dating code (somewhere in this blog) states. I get into a supermarket to do some uncalled for household shopping. That’s how I ended up seeing that couple I mentioned earlier. One of these days I should just say hi. Besides, it’s really awesome to see two guys doing something worthwhile on a Saturday. Pretty boys don’t forget that lecture I gave you. There’s always a big difference between a man who spends his Saturday and Sunday with you and the one who only wants you for Friday night. If it’s the latter you are dealing with and it’s just not your thing: Run like hell!

Back to this balanced opinion on dating gospel. In a week I’m supposed to go stay in central province before taking up some new assignment I was offered this past week. I will definitely associate myself with the sentiments of the last guest who visited T.S.R and say I also have my biases when it comes to men. One of the deal breakers is someone has got to put the pants in any of these dates’ interactions. I’m not going to help anyone do it. I mean, really.

Regards,

CM.