By David Clark (Dr)
1. Your Standards are too high
This is the main killer of all potential relationships and even basic
platonic friendships of many Gay men. You only need to briefly scour the
many profiles on Gay dating sites to discover the laundry list of
requirements Gay men place on one another. The most disturbing part
about this is that MOST times the men are demanding prerequisites in
others that they themselves do not even meet. Guys seem to all want this
perfect fantasy "Superman" that they've created in their minds to
"save" them that more likely than doesn't even exist. No one is perfect,
not even yourself.
2. You are looking in all the Wrong Places
Many gay men will agree: Chat lines are for Hookups. Dating sites are
for Hookups. Clubs are for Hookups. The large percentage of men you meet
through the aforementioned methods will most likely just be looking for
quick no-strings-attached sex. That's not to say that hookup sex never
leads to relationships, but the chances for it are low
3. You are not as attractive as you think you are
Look into the mirror and honestly ask yourself if you are worth the
effort. You say Yes Now look at your cell phone...is it ringing off the
hook with potential dates? No? You have your REAL answer...All jokes
aside; no one is attractive to ALL men. We all have different tastes and
preferences and something as simple as a poorly chosen tattoo around a
belly button can soften even the hardest penis of a masculine
Gay/Bisexual man. Focus on depending on more than your appearance and
you'll find that more quality men will emerge.
4. You are way too Young / Old
No one likes fruit and vegetables that aren't ripe yet. No one likes
undercooked food. Many Gay men see anyone 25 and younger as disasters
waiting to happen, with good reason. At that age they are like horny
puppies humping the first legs they see. It eventually passes with time,
but not before they're potentially all used up. Alternatively,
"Desirable Gay" seems to have an expiration date. After 27 years old,
you're like an old loaf of bread: your edges start to harden until you
are 40 and you're ready to just be thrown into the trash. This is how
many Gays view older men. I say all this to say, there is an ageist
attitude amongst Gay/Bisexual men that goes both ways (pun intended).
This reason has no solution. It all comes down to what your intentions
are for the potential relationship and how thick your skin is for
potential rejection.
5. You Don’t make enough Money
Gay men need to be wined and dined. Watching movies on your laptop at
your apartment with your two or three roommates because you do not have
money and/or a car is not what a Gay man considers a great date. Once
again, I'm exaggerating but not by much...we're speaking about a culture
of men who place looks and material possessions over personality and
intelligence. This is partly understandable as many men want to at least
date someone that can pay their bills and be able to afford a trip out
of town occasionally. The only advice here is to "get your financial
weight up." If not only to widen your dating options but to also better
yourself and your situation in the process.
6. You are not looking
This one boggles my mind. So many men who WANT relationships have told
me that they're not looking. The old adage, "you'll find a match once
you stop looking for one" is holding you back. Nothing ever gets sold if
you don't advertise that it is for sale. You have to be proactive in
your search much like you would in looking for employment. No one ever
says, "you'll find a job once you stop looking for one." On the flip
side to this, some men you meet will say "I'm not looking for a
relationship right now" but what they really mean is, "I'm not looking
for a relationship WITH YOU." Accept this and move on to someone who
actually has the same goal in mind as you.
7. You are Either Too Feminine or Too Masculine
This one is tricky. Gay men come in all sizes with many different
tastes. There are masculine men who LOVE feminine guys. There are
masculine guys who ONLY like other masculine men. There are even
masculine men who like a mixture of the two, preferably when making
noises in bed. As a naturally masculine man, I've been rejected
countless times because I was too masculine. It can be intimidating to
some men. You can't control the tastes of other individuals so there is
no solution to be offered here except to just keep searching for a
proper match.
8. You are not In To Commitment I've met
quite a few of these. These clingy relationship types often expect
monogamy after your first date. They can be seen sending you "Good
Morning" text messages DAILY the night after meeting you for the first
time. They start planning for your future together before you even learn
each others last names. Look, there's nothing wrong with getting
excited once you've FINALLY found a man that meets your laundry list of
standards and requirements, but there's no faster way to run him off
than to let him know you've already started picking out the drapes for
your new home together after only a few dates.
9. Your sexual role is Too Incompatible
There's nothing worse than being a Top and finally meeting the perfect
guy only to find out that he's ALSO a Top. Same applies to Total Bottoms
meeting other Total Bottoms. Then there are Fully Versatile guys who
find it boring to date Non-Versatile men. Then there are the Oral Only
men and the Fetish men and the list goes on...Some will say that sexual
position doesn't matter. Speaking from experience, it does. A man in a
relationship that is unsatisfied sexually often starts to stray after
awhile. Again, you can't control the sexual tastes of other individuals
so there is not much of a solution to be offered here except to just
keep searching for a proper match.
10. You Just have Really Bad Timing
This is the main reason that has kept me single for as long as I can
remember. I seem to have a knack for meeting great men at the wrong
time. From meeting him while I'm dating another guy, meeting him when
I'm single but he's in a relationship, meeting him when he's just
getting out of a relationship and he still hasn't severed his feelings
for his Ex, meeting him just as he's cutting off all dating to focus on
work/school, to meeting the perfect guy RIGHT BEFORE he's about to move
to the other side of the country...My timing sucks. What I've learned to
do is to just lower my expectations. I've tried to meet as many guys as
possible (discreetly) and develop quality friendships at the least so
that my network can be widened, thus creating more opportunities to meet
quality guys in the future.
_________________________________________________________________
Dr. David Clark is an openly gay psychologist and Counselor at the
University of California, LA. He has pointed out the above 10 top
reasons why you are single as a gay man. This rationale is compiled from
his personal life experience and what he had observed from the gay
community and people he counseled.I can certify him as one of the most profound counselor for
the Zega community.
